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CyndiOstorga
2 years ago
I'm sorry, but I have to vent somewhere
This person right here has always been my ultimate bias and I love him with all my heart. Everybody who knows me knows about Siwon, even if they don't know anything about K-pop. I know I'm not making any sense right now, but it will all make sense once I'm done. I know it's long, but please bear with me. So, I was calmly looking through instagram when I realized that Siwon had given Miss Universe a shout out. I had to look up if she knew this had happened and if she had responded, and she did. Of course, I was excited for a fellow Elf and Siwon Stan to be noticed by oppa. It's a fan's dream to be noticed. Obviously, I had a lot of feels and I was jumping up and down everywhere. I was texting my "friend?" and since all I could think about was that, I decided to text him about it. He didn't care for it, which was fine. I just needed to tell somebody about it and since I was already texting him, why not? After all, I thought he already knew that K-pop is my life and that Siwon means the world to me. I understand that he was trying to talk to me about marriage and stuff, but I got confused somewhere along the conversation. Additionally, I did ask him to elaborate, but he said, "nothing" and asked me what I was talking about. If you ask me, that's a green light to explain my feels. All he said was ok good. He tried to go back to the previous conversation, but I was feeling way too much by that time. I did tell him that I had too many feels at the moment to think straight. He asked me why and I said Siwon, because YOLO (You Only Love Oppa). Here's the thing that really pissed me off though. This guy, who says that he wants to marry me, then proceeds to tell me that I'm acting childish and that he hopes I know that. Excuse me? I'm acting childish because I decided to share something that's exciting for me, with you? Mind you, we're not even dating. It's also not the first time I get angry at him for something K-pop related. He has said his fair share of negative comments about K-pop, especially Siwon. You don't mess with someone's ultimate bias! You just don't! I always try to ignore it and stay positive, but it does bother me a lot. You could say anything you want about me, but don't mess with my bias. Moreover, he also said that he's trying to talk to me seriously, but I'm just talking about K-pop. K-pop. I'm just talking about K-pop... Let me tell you something. All I saw was darkness and I was angry. Angry at everything and everybody. Why was this happening to me? What did I do to get chosen for this? When is it going to stop? These were all questions I would ask myself everyday. Then I met you. You were my light... Six years ago you chose someone else over me and just left me there as if I never existed. You didn't care about my feelings and left me when I most needed you. You knew exactly what was happening and had been happening all my life. Yet, you still played with my feelings, because you thought I was too young to take seriously. At 15 years old I had already suffered a lot, but I was still trying to be happy. You couldn't even say a proper goodbye. All you said was that you never wanted to talk to me again. I was confused as to what I had done wrong, and everything in my life was piling up. I had suicidal thoughts and even attempted suicide at one point. Luckily, I thought about it twice and decided to continue living. I knew the thoughts and situations were going to continue, but it had to eventually stop. Six years later you come back into my life and tell me you want us to get married? It's been six years since we last talked, and on the first day that we talk again you ask me to marry you? Not only do I say no several times, but you still haven't taken the time to get to know the person I am today. It bothers me even more that for some weird reason, I still have feelings for you. The day you came back to my life was so exciting and it felt as if you had never left. I forgave you and let you back into my life so easily. Still, you don't seem to want to fully comprehend the meaning of Kpop in my life.