As I walked into our favorite bar I saw you for the first time after what seemed like forever. But in reality it had been 2 maybe 3 years since the last time I saw you. You looked so different yet still the same like if nothing had changed about you, like if it was just yesterday when I saw you with her.
Her. The one you had said that made you feel things that no one had ever made you feel. Things that I was never able to make you feel. You looked happy, smiling and joking with the people you were with. I saw you looking at me because I had been standing in front of the main entrance for a while now looking at you and only you. But….You didn’t look twice and it hurt. It hurt like hell; I felt my heart breaking once again. Making me realized I hadn’t forgotten about you and all the feeling I had buried were so much alive and stronger than ever but it looked like I was just a forgotten memory from the past.
Now I wish I had stayed home, wishing we never met not now not ever because you’re someone that’s too hard to forget. I wish I was able to move on from you but I can’t and it pains me because while you looked happy and loving life like no tomorrow. I on the other hand I'm not happy I hadn’t been since that night when I saw you with her and you turn your back on me. But I can’t help but to sometime wonder if you could love me the same way I loved you. If I had asked to stay with me and tell me that you love me. But that’s a dream that will always be just that a dream that no matter how much I chase after it, it will never be my reality.
I had asked for a table with a window view just like the way we used to sit in our young years when everything was just about us and only us. When no else mattered but us. I asked for a table far from you, looking out the window with a glass whiskey in hand looking at the people passing by. Couples loving each other, tired but happy to be with the ones they love. I wonder how it feels to be happy to be ok with the one that you love and that loves you back. To not feel like dying.
I can’t with this anymore the pain, the hurt it’s just too mush that’s slowly eating me. I'm losing myself