to be honest I have made said I'm going to do a lot of things between the Fairy Tail D&D game, the YouTube videos, the Fairy Tail guild, and more......... but I'm breaking and the emotional pain is suffercating me as I spend every waking moment alone in silence with nobody around to lean on...... idk what's going to happen because I've had many suicide attempts as a kid and I think about how easy it would be to end it all 24/7. I've never belonged anywhere and I never had anyone who actually genuinely cared..... all I'm saying is that everything may get delayed and idk for how long since I'm slowly giving up bit by bit. please don't tell me everything will be okay or that things get better because those are empty words that people say when they don't know what to say...... I'm going to lay down for awhile.....

I hate people but I don't want to hurt them....

I recently found I have zero friends and every one of them were using me or being my friend out of petty...... When I'm honest they would treat me like crap..... but they loved and trusted their friends who talked behind their backs..... I recently talked to my last friend and I explained to them how i feel and how some of their actions made me feel while also explaining that they are a very kind person and that it's just something that happens with trust...... they continued to tell me i was a shitty friend, that they didn't want to talk to me anymore, that they wish they never met me....... I never retaliated, I simply said "Fine take care and I hope all goes well for you, thank you for everything you've done for me I appreciate it. You will never ever have to hear from me again." I then proceeded to remove them from my life on facebook, my phone, instagram...... simply because I don't wish to hurt them and only wanted not to lie.... We live in a world where lies are second nature and the truth is shunned, a world where commonsense is going extinct and people expect everything from nothing. I have one warning to everyone..... never believe those who would promise never to hurt you or that promise they will always be their because if they meant it then they would show it not say it.