For Me, Myself, and I
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- MARK -
Maybe I was too harsh on him. Maybe I shouldn't have left him there. Though it might have seemed bad I kind of noticed his wide smile and it made me feel some type of way. As if my power of solace had been drained from me by just a simple and small action. I don't seem to feel the strength of going out with him any another day, but I would never want to hurt his feelings. He seems of good spirit. The calamity of my involvement with other people seemed to have hit a high mile and yet I still look for that one person who can fix it all together again, perhaps for the good of my sanity. I knew Jackson wasn't the type to take action without precaution, but he certainly was the type to be blunt and smile throughout any situation. Maybe as a defense mechanism toward a bitter ending. I don't want him to feel as if I'm shutting him away, for any kind of reasoning I know there wouldn't be a situation where I would keep him behind closed doors. Maybe there will be, I don't know, I guess I can just let time take it's course.
My apartment is small but cozy nonetheless. I wouldn't mind spending weeks or maybe months without socialization. Actually, I'd rather be inside and enjoy the company of my TV and fridge, rather than talking to people. Is that weird?- maybe, but I don't care. Walking unto the living room I find myself solely staring at the plain walls and furniture, it seemed boring. It's too quiet, too... well... sad. Sure I find comfort in being alone but sometimes it can get to a point where I'm suffocating between the white walls, carelessly lying down on the huge bed of mine. It sucks to have such a huge bed and yet it's just me; no one else to share it with. But I suppose the space didn't seem too bad to complain, it was just so empty despite myself being there. I move forward and look around. There is no mess, not the slightest bit of muddle found anywhere on the complex. Again, how boring.
Should I call Jackson and ask him if he could come over?... then again, with the way I treated him just afew minutes ago I don't think he wants to see me. He's probably thinking about what he did to make me react the way I did. I can't blame him, I'm that confusing. Miraculously I grew the sudden urge to pick up the phone and hear his voice again, maybe to feel a little bit of companionship, another voice in this lonely place of mine. He picks up on the third ring.
"Hello?, who is this?" He says, his voice sounding deep and husky. That simple sentence made me regret my decision, although I still held the, now small, courage to talk to him. "Hey... um... it's me, Mark." I respond, I can't help the nervousness I was feeling.
"Oh hey Mark, I thought you were some kind of strange old, hairy man in his 40s wanting sex." Wow ok, I don't know whether to feel offended or not.
"Well I guess that's a... nice description of me." I can hear him chuckling, the sound being deep and manly.... how compelling.
"So why did you call me?" "I wanted to ask if you could come over to my apartment, you know, so that I can apologize to you for leaving you outside and slamming the door." I scratch the nape of my neck, suddenly thinking whether i'm making a mistake or a big deal out of nothing.
"Oh that would be lovely. I'll be there, wait for me there babe." He called me babe, the man I just met a few hours ago just called me babe.
How weird of him.