The Long Distance Relationship Survival Guide
A little more than a month ago, I moved from my hometown (New York City) all the way across the country to Palo Alto. I did it in pursuit of making a better life for myself and getting myself started on a career path.
However, I left everyone behind. My best friends, my family.
It is a difficult endeavor to move across the country, to a place where you know no one and have virtually nothing. It is much harder to do it alone. It becomes harder then again to do it while leaving the person you love most in the whole world back in New York.
So I had to come up with a bit of a survival guide to managing to maintain your long distance relationship. Communicate.
This is number one in any relationship, near or far. You need to be able to communicate openly and frequently with your partner. It doesn't have to be constant; you'll (ideally) both have other things to do in your day so you won't always be talking to one another. Still, though, you need to make sure that there is some daily communication between the two of you.
Even if it's just an 'I love you' here or there, it matters. You need to feel like you're being thought of, and to let your partner know you're thinking about them too. Ask them about their day and listen to their answer. You miss out on a lot of the key parts of the talks you'd normally have when you share a space, so make sure to catch up on as many as you can. Trust.
Another core necessity for any relationship, whether you are sharing an apartment or whether you're in different time zones. You have to trust and respect your partner. I know for me personally, I can get stupidly jealous easily. I have to remind myself that my partner loves me as I love them and extend them the trust that comes with that love.
At the end of the day you can't know everything that happens in your partner's day. you don't know if maybe they saw a pretty person and they had unfaithful thoughts. You don't know if they are getting bored with you. A lot of this comes from those little voices in your mind that tell you everything is shit and you suck. Which probably isn't true. Prepare for it to Fucking Suck
Long distance relationships suck. Flat out. There's no getting around it. You've found this beautiful person that you love and want to share your life with and you can't, and that fucking blows.
What makes it worse is that every person you talk to about long distance and every show on TV that addresses it all say the same thing. "Long distance never works". It's a very real chance that it didn't for them, but jesus, it's not helping your case.
Maybe long distance "never works" because everyone keeps saying that. Long distance should only ever be a temporary situation. It should be able to work for the time you need it to. You don't need these naysayers making your life any more miserable. Tell 'em to fuck off. Be honest.
This ties in with all the other points. You've gotta be honest with your partner. Tell them if you slip up, or if you're afraid of drifting apart, or even if you don't think that they should have cut their hair in Baltimore right before you left.
Don't hold something back. That shit will fester and rather than it being a small quick conversation, it'll blow up into something truly awful and filled with insecurity and screaming and door slamming and cursing and cold silences.
Then you'll wind up in a Motel 6 with someone named Cherii (with two I's and one r, dahling) and she'll be slipping a rubber hose around your arm and whispering your partners name into your ear all for the low price of 437 dollars, not that it'll matter because you slip away into the warmth and closeness of the syringe and now you're free and there's nothing holding you down and you leave your earthly tether behind and it's all because you didn't let your partner know that it bugs you when they refer to you in a baby voice.