Pt. 1 (Jungkook)
Paper airplanes, paper towns, paper hearts… None of which from its time of creation to the time it ceases were they meant to last forever. They were a result of human creation, a temporary craft meant to satisfy what its creators could not have. Regardless of how many papers you’d fold, they would never adequately express your feelings to him. You gave him nothing but meaningless letters with hints that led to dead ends. Perhaps he never caught onto your hints for this very reason. He would never see you for your true self, he only saw you the way he wanted to see you. You were his best friend, nothing more, nothing less. Yet for as long as you were somewhere within his heart, you were content. You told yourself you could be second, third, or even last, because you were willing to wait… but just how long could your feelings stand against the test of time?
Holding the paper in between your two fumbling hands, you scurried your way down the hall as your eyes nervously scanned through the corridor to check for possible outsiders. No one could find out about the long held secret you had kept from the public for months now, especially not the recipient of your message. Your heart thudded against your chest so hard you could barely breathe, waves of adrenaline and nerves flowing throughout your veins. To impair you even further, your knees threatened to buck and your lips quivered in fear. You had to deliver your note to his locker before break ends, you told yourself. But more importantly, you had to get this done before he returned from the main gym.
Out of the blue, the school bell rang its usual high pitched, deafening tune, signaling the end of brunch. Your heart nearly jumped out of your chest as you jolted in shock and your eyes widened in panic. You bolted up to his locker, labelled exactly as you had memorized, 151020, and smacked the paper heart onto the metallic surface of his locker before squirming towards the end of the hallway. Taking a sharp turn to the left at the end of the hall, you hid behind the wall and waited for your recipient to make his way down the other side as per usual. Crowds of students passed by you on their way to class, fortunately none of them free enough to question your odd behavior.
There Jungkook came with a basketball in one hand and his vacant hand adjusting the red snapback lying on his chocolate brown hair. You peeked out from the edge of the wall, trying to catch a clearer view of him. He waved goodbye to his friends and strided his way towards his locker with a wide toothy smile plastered all over his face. The beads of sweat dripping from his temples only enhanced his already radiant grin as you thought to yourself: this must have been the millionth time you had fallen for his adorable, bunny like smile. It was something about the way his nose slightly crinkled as small creases appear on the sides of his crescent shaped eyes… no wonder so many girls fanned over him in awe, you being no exception of course.
But the second his friends departed for their classes, his smile faded into a frown and an expression void of emotions replaced his bright eyes. You knew he had been stressing over his classwork the last few days, but that didn’t stop your chest from aching in pain and sinking in sympathy. You could only hope the words of encouragement you had written on the sticky note would cheer him up as it had always done.
Butterflies fluttered in your stomach as Jungkook opened up his locker, causing you to feel as though you would collapse any second. He cutely pursed his lips while rummaging through his mess of a locker to find the textbooks required for his next class with you. Your nails dug into the surface of the brick wall as you bit your bottom lip in anticipation. Tossing his basketball into the locker, he slammed the locker shut and nearly turned his back onto the note when his eyes do a double take.
His entire expression lightened up after having spotted the note, a spark of excitement flashing across his dark brown eyes. A cheeky grin began to grow on Jungkook’s face with only his two front teeth peeking through under his upper lip. You carefully watched his reaction as his eyes lingered on every word before regretfully moving onto the next one. His smile grew wider and wider by the second while he reread the note for the tenth time in a row, your own smile mirroring his as you rejoiced at the thought of making his day once again.
Carefully placing the paper heart into the deep depths of his pockets, he goofily chuckled to himself and shuffled his way back to class. The coast was clear, seeing how everyone had already made it to class, so you stepped out from behind the wall and into the hallway to head to class yourself. You quickly paced your way down the hallway in the same direction as Jungkook, a slight skip evident in your steps. Even if Jungkook didn’t know who the author behind these mysterious notes is, you were content with knowing that you had put a smile on his face. It didn’t matter who he thought the it was, after all, you had somehow managed to convince yourself that as long as he was happy, you were happy.
Just as the bell rang to signal the start of class, you stepped foot into the classroom. Far on the upper end of the auditorium sized room, you found Jungkook exactly where he had sat waiting for you every day in the past year. He spotted you within a split second, nearly jumping out of his seat with a large smile on his face. You quirk your eyebrow amusedly when Jungkook mouthed some incomprehensible words from afar before gesturing for you to sit next to him. You giddily reciprocate his eagerness by jogging your way up the flight of stairs while everyone waited for the professor’s arrival.
“Hey, what’s up?” you breathily greeted him. Jungkook quickly reached up from his chair to grab your wrist and pull you down into your own, causing you to nearly yelp out in surprise. “Whoa, whoa. Calm down! What’s up with you today?” you chuckled unknowingly although you already knew what had happened.
“Guess what I found on my locker today?” he loudly whispered to you, his body leaning forward and his hand covering one side of his lips as though this was a top secret conversation.
You pressed your lips into a straight line and shrugged, a smile creeping its way onto your face as you tried to keep a poker face. “What?”
Jungkook frowned as he rolled his eyes, proceeding to nudge you with his elbow like an impatient child. You couldn’t help but giggle at how rapidly his knees were bouncing and how his eyes were filled with energy. “I told you to guess,” he whined, placing his hand over yours and shaking it around.
“I don’t know… you freak out over everything!”
“No I don’t,” he frowned.
“Last time you freaked out when I brought chips to class,” you remarked, your lips pressing into a thin line.
“Okay, but that doesn’t count. You know how much I love snacks,” he exasperated before continuing, “aish… never mind, just guess.” He nudged you once again, his hands grabbing yours and swinging it back and forth. As your body was being helplessly pushed back and forth with his gentle, yet powerful hands, you knitted your brows at him to display your utmost sincere confusion.
“Ay… you know what I’m talking about,” he hissed before lowering his volume even further, “the anonymous notes I’ve been getting everyday!”
In an attempt to play along, you widened your eyes and covered your mouth as you gasped. You leaned in closer to him, your brows raising in astonishment and your gaze meeting his large, innocent circular eyes. “Do you think it’s someone from this class…?”
“I think it might be. Wait, look,” he whipped around to grab something out from his backpack. A pile of heart shaped papers fell out of his binder as he pulled out a piece of binder paper. You couldn’t fight the grin off your face having seen your notes so neatly placed in Jungkook’s backpack. He had always been a messy student, losing worksheets left and right, but that made you feel even more special for he had kept all of your little post-it notes throughout the months. “I’ve narrowed it down to five possible people.
I’m pretty sure she’s at least one of them,” he confidently stated.
Your eyes widened in fright as you felt your heart nearly stop at the list he laid down on the table. Your heart was rapidly pounding against your chest, sending a sense of fight or flight across your system. He couldn’t have found out about your schemes right? It wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing if he did, but you certainly weren’t prepared for him to expose you right then and there.
Plus, he had always mentioned about how much he cherished his friendship with you and how he would never change things between the two of you. If he found out about how you truly felt, what would happen to you two? You wanted him to know how you felt, but were your own selfish desires really worth risking it? Was it worth putting your best friendship on the line? Fear is all that ran through your mind as you prepared yourself to somehow lie your way out of this. You didn’t want him to find out after all, not if it meant your relationship would change for the worse.
You skimmed through his short list of names only to frown when you failed to find your name on his list. As much as you were relieved your feelings could remain hidden for a little longer, it was impossible for you to deny how much your heart sank at that split second. Why weren’t you on his list? You were his closest friend, his best friend, so how could he possibly not suspect you at all? You were upset, so impossibly upset that your chest ached and your stomach churned as you clutched the hem of your sweater into your clenched fists. He never saw you as more than a friend, and you couldn’t put all the blame on him either. It wasn’t his fault he never caught onto your feelings, after all, you would never muster up enough courage to confess. But this very moment, this split second of doubt and regret made you realize just how much you wanted him to know your true feelings.
“So, what do you think Y/N?” he gently bumped his knees into yours, urging you to break your silence.
“Um…” you muttered, releasing your sweater from your grips when you realized just how tightly you were clutching onto it. “How can you be so sure of your list…?”
“Well, a man’s instinct?” he quirked his brows playfully. You rolled your eyes in response and turned in your seat to face the professor who was walking into the classroom at that moment, but Jungkook placed his hands on your shoulders to turn you back to face him once again. “Okay, okay, I’m joking,” he chuckled. “They’re the only five people I could think of who would know so much about me. I mean, they’ve been writing so many personal words of encouragement at the moments when I needed them most… it has to be someone close to me.”
“Yeah, and do I not know much about you?” you scoffed, rolling your eyes once again. At this point, you were more so angry than upset. Was he really this oblivious?
“Yeah, but you’re my best friend,” his lips curved downward as he tried to hold in his laugh.
“So?” you blurted out with a harsher tone than expected.
Jungkook grabbed your hand before interlacing his fingers with yours. His hand fit so perfectly with yours, it was like two jigsaw pieces made for the sole purpose of being together. It ached your heart to gaze at his hand connected to yours so comfortably. He was so casual in the way he intimately held your hand, but what he didn’t know was how fast your heart was racing because of him. Was he going crazy on the inside like you? Did his heart race by the mere graze of your hand? Probably not, because he only thought of you as a friend. He was comfortable doing things like this to you, because it meant nothing more to him than embracing a friend who seemed to be having a bad day. “…are you okay, Y/N? You don’t seem to be in a very good mood today. Did something happen?” he gently asked with that soft voice of his.
“I’m fine…” you muttered, your hand hesitantly detaching from his as you returned it into your lap. Jungkook peered at you with concern, a sign of hurt flickering across his eyes when you rejected his hands that reached out for you. You cleared your throat and lifted your eyes up from the ground and back to his eyes, forcing a smile onto your face. “Yeah, so go on,” you urged, gently bumping your knees with his and reassuringly smiling at him.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You can always tell me about everything. We can talk about this later, it’s not important anyways,” he hesitantly asked, his eyes peering over at you with those soft, gentle expression of his.
“Yeah, I’m totally fine,” you shook your head before forcing yourself to chuckle. In reality, you wanted to tell him how terrible the conversation made you feel, about how much you dreaded the way he friendzoned you every single time. It was sad how much you used to confide in him about anything and everything, but now you were lying to his face in fear of exposing your own feelings. “So, who do you think it is then?”
“Okay, but I’ll always be here for you,” he gently smiled, one corner of his lips curving upwards. Jungkook’s hand hovered over yours as they naturally did, but he immediately pulled it back and reclined in his seat. He bit his lip at his own mistake, his eyes glancing down at your hands in regret. You gulped and averted his eye contact for a split second, a sinking feeling in your chest taking place when you realized how much you had hurt him. You wanted him to touch you, but you were afraid that you would only want more afterwards. “To be honest… I actually already know who it is.”
Your heart froze. He knew who it was? Did that mean he knew it was you all along? Your eyes widen with panic as your entire body went cold. “R-really…?” you stuttered.
“Yeah, I met up with her a few weeks ago. I subtly asked her about it, and she sort of confirmed it,” he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.
“Oh…” you mumbled as you furrowed your brows in confusion. There was no way someone other than you would know about the notes, because you were the one who wrote them after all. It angered you how twisted this was becoming. Someone was taking credit for your effort, your feelings, your heart. You clutched the hem of your sweater tightly as you fought the urge to expose the truth to him. You wanted so badly to clear up the misunderstanding, because those were your feelings he was receiving, not whomever he thought it was. “Who is it?”
“Yuri!” Jungkook grinned with genuine excitement, causing you to wince in pain. He averted his eyes to stare at the desk, a shy expression replacing his cheerful smile. “Actually… we’ve been seeing each other these past two weeks. She’s a really nice girl,” he chuckles to himself.
“Ah,” you uttered. So he had fallen for someone else already, huh? Was it still too late for you to hope for anything more between the two of you? You couldn’t believe your eyes, watching Jungkook shyly smiling for another girl. A girl who claimed to have written those notes everyday for the past year. A girl who took your credit as though it would enable her to win over his heart, and it did. A girl who should’ve been you. To be quite honest, you wanted to burst into tears right then and there, but something was holding you back from doing so. Instead, a twisted smile danced on the corners of your lips. You quietly chuckled at yourself as though you had realized the cruel reality of unrequited love.
“Come to think of it, aren’t you friends with her?” he scooted towards you to whisper his next few words. “Be honest with me, have you been telling her about me whenever I was down? Because you’re the only one who would know so much about my struggles, and honestly, I was kind of surprised that she was the one behind it all along.”
“Um…I guess we’re kind of friends,” you stared at the ground not knowing how to answer. Should you play along with the lies Yuri had created? Should you play along to make Jungkook happy? Or should you clear up this misunderstanding and possibly ruin the perfect friendship you and Jungkook had?
Thankfully, the bell rang to signal the start of lunch, saving you from having to answer his question. You immediately scrambled to pack your things up, sensing a wave of sorrow run through you as tears began to well up in your eyes. You dared not to blink, knowing very well that it would only incite you to burst out in tears. Holding in your breath, you pressed your lips into a thin line and avoided his gaze. You didn’t even spare a glimpse at Jungkook who confusedly watched you pack up in a hurry.
“Whoa, slow down there. There’s still going to be food at the cafeteria no matter how fast you pack up,” he chuckled at you. “Ah, I almost forgot to tell you. I’m going to be eating with Yuri today, so don’t wait for me and find your friends, okay? I have to meet up with her now,” Jungkook stood up and swung his backpack over his shoulders before ruffling your hair and hugging you from behind. “Cheer up, okay?” he cooed into your ears, his lips brushing up against the few hair strands that covered your ears. He roughly ruffled your hair once again, patting your head in his usual comforting ways and left the classroom.
You were glad all of his ruffling made your hair strands fall to the sides of your face, covering up the tears that had managed to escape from you. The endless waterworks dampened your jeans, but that was the least of your worries. All you could think about was the stinging pain of your chest as it heaved up and down in syncopation with your silent sobs. How could things go so awry? What did you do to deserve this? It was your feelings that he could never seem to catch onto. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to. How could he fall for someone for something that she had to lie for? How could he fall for the wrong person? All of these questions didn’t matter anymore. It was too late and it was your fault for not clearing things up when you had the chance. You sank into your chair, your arms lying on the desk as you collapsed into them and began to sob to your heart’s content in the now empty room.
The food lying on your lunch tray was as unappetizing as ever. You poked at it with your spoon, but never took a bite out of it. You weren’t in the mood to eat, especially not when you were sitting on the bench alone in a cafeteria filled with people. It wasn’t that you didn’t have friends, because you did, it was just that you knew they would ask you about your bloodshot eyes. So you sat there alone, poking at your food as you waited for lunchtime to end. Staring down at your untouched food, another tray plopped down across from you, causing you to look upward in surprise.
“Yah, what’s a pretty girl like you sitting here alone?” the boy teased, winking at you as he sat down on the other side of the table.
“Quit it, Jimin. I’m not in the mood for your playboy ways,” you scoffed.
“Yah, I told you for the hundredth time, stop making me sound like a player!” he grimaced, frowning at you before taking a big bite out of his pile of food. “So where’s your best friend Jungkook?”
“I don’t know. Isn’t he your best friend?” you mumbled, staring off into space.
“Ah, really? Well, you’re for sure his closest girl friend. I even thought you two were dating at some point!” he exclaimed, his laughter dying down when he realized how you weren’t laughing along. At least this time it didn’t hurt as much, you were already dry of tears, you were numb of all feelings. Jimin waved his hand in front of your eyes, his own large, circular eyes worriedly peering at you under his fallen, black bangs. “Hey, are you okay? Your eyes are all red… did something happen?”
“I’m fine…” you grumbled, leaning your head against your elbow.
“Hm… really? Doesn’t seem like it to me,” he sing-songed, taking another bite from his food, this time the vegetable portion of his tray. “I saw him with another girl down the hall just now. What was her name… ah, I really can’t remember. What’s he doing with her?”
“They’re dating,” you simply stated.
His eyes widened in shock, his spoon dramatically dropping onto his tray. “Really?! No way… I could’ve sworn he liked you?!”
“Well, apparently not. Because I’m his ‘best friend,’” you quoted him, his painful words etched clearly into your mind.
“Does he know about your letters?”
“My what?” you gasped, doing a double take as you gawked at him with widened eyes.
“Your letters. Those little paper hearts you’d stick on his locker every day,” he innocently said, cocking his head to the side in confusion.
“Yah, quiet down! You’re going to make everyone hear!” you hushed him.
“Why? Isn’t it better if everyone finds out?” he raised his voice, snickering at you as you panicked and covered his mouth with your hands. “Okay, okay, I’m guessing you didn’t tell him,” he removed your hands from his lips and pretended to zip his lips shut.
“Geez… how’d you find out anyways?” you asked.
“I saw you delivering them once. I thought it was pretty cute of you,” he smiled, his cresent eyes making an appearance. You couldn’t help but admit it, he really was a pretty boy.
“Whatever. It’s too late now anyways. He thinks that Yuri wrote them herself.”
“Ah, Yuri’s her name?” Jimin nodded as he hummed to himself. “Mm… why don’t you just tell him now? Before it gets worse.”
“No, I can’t. He likes her too much, I can’t just do that. It’d be selfish of me,” you muttered, a sharp pain piercing your heart as you said it out loud.
“You know, Y/N, I think you’re too nice sometimes. You need to think about yourself more,” he advised when his eyes brightened as he stared at something from behind you.
“Oh, well here’s your first chance to make things right.”
You turned around to glance over your shoulders only to have your heart sink deep into your chest. Jungkook was striding his way across the cafeteria with Yuri next to him before jogging his way down the hallway alone, leaving Yuri waiting in the corner. “Come on, let’s go,” Jimin blurted out, stepping on top of the table and jumping onto your side of the table. He grabbed your hand and dragged you towards Yuri, causing you to yelp out in refusal.
“Hey, Yuri,” Jimin charmingly smiled at her before pushing you forward. “Y/N here needs to ask you something.”
“Uh no I don’t–”
“–well I have to get going now. Have fun ladies!” he cut you off, waving you goodbye and skipping his way down the hallway.
Yuri stood there in front of you with her arms down at your sides, staring at you in confusion. “What did you want to ask me, Y/N?”
“Um…” you scratched the back of your neck before blurting out your next few words. “I was wondering about those notes… Jungkook told me you were the ones who wrote them?”
“Oh…” she widened her eyes for a split second, bewildered by your question. You intently watched her change her expression, a feeling of betrayal stabbing your chest as you narrowed your eyes at her. “Yeah. I wrote them. I’m glad he finally noticed my feelings,” she firmly replied, giving you a confident yet hesitant smile.
“Ah, are you sure? How’d you know so much about him?” you pushed on forward, every part of you wanting to expose her for the liar she was. Come on, lie to me, right to my face, you thought to yourself. It took all the strength you could muster up not to run to
Jungkook and expose her for who she was. You crossed your arms against your chest when she reached out to gently grab ahold of your wrist.
“Y/N, why are you being like this? Did something bad happen today?” she worriedly asked, her hands trying to hold onto yours when you yanked it out of her hand.
“Oh, don’t worry about me. Just answer my question–”
“–Y/N! What in the world are you doing?!”
You turned your head to spot sight of Jungkook striding his way towards you down the hallway. His brows furrowed and a frown was present on his face, so you guessed he probably interpreted your stance as an aggressive one. “I’m just asking Yuri about the letters. It’s not what you’re thinking–”
“–you were practically interrogating me!” she exclaimed, a hurt expression plastered all over her face.
“Oh, I was interrogating you?” you scoffed, your jaw hung wide open in disbelief.
“That’s it, Y/N, come with me,” he grabbed your wrist and dragged you away from Yuri and down into the empty hallway. Jungkook roughly pushed you forward and leaned his body against the wall, his eyes narrowing at you in frustration. “Okay, what’s going on with you today?”
“I told you, nothing!” you nearly yelled out, your voice louder than you wanted it to be.
“Well something’s obviously off, because you wouldn’t be as ticked as you are now if it weren’t. Why are you being so mean to Yuri?” he crossed his arms against his chest.
“I wasn’t being mean to her!” you exasperated, knitting your brows in frustration.
“Y/N, I saw you slapping her hand away!” he widened his eyes at you seeing how you were lying in front of his face.
“You walked in at the wrong time,” you simply replied. “I don’t like Yuri. And I don’t approve of you and her.”
“Why? Are you jealous or something?”
“Me? Jealous?” you scoffed, laughing out in disbelief. You might have been jealous for another reason, but how could he say it so bluntly? As though it was something to be ashamed of? As though you were disapproving his relationship out of spite? “Don’t think so highly of yourself.”
“Well, then why don’t you approve of her?” he spat.
“She’s…” you hesitated to continue before taking a deep breath and sighing. “She’s not the person who wrote the letters.”
“What? Then who is?”
“I can’t say,” you looked down at the ground, avoiding his piercing gaze.
“Alright, you’re impossible to talk to today. If you’re going to say something as ridiculous as that, at least go through with it. Tell me when you’re ready to really talk,” he scoffed, turning his back on you and walking down the hall.
Was this your cue to clear up the misunderstandings? Maybe you should take Jimin’s advice and really start thinking about yourself for once. Every part of you was dying to tell Jungkook he was wrong for doubting you, for yelling at you, for falling in love with the wrong person. At the very least, you wanted him to acknowledge your feelings. You didn’t think you could survive years down the road, thinking what if you had told him the truth? Would things go differently if you had confessed?
“Jeon Jungkook, if you take one more step, our friendship is over!” you yelled out at him.
He paused, his entire body freezing at your words. Jungkook turned around with pain so evident in his eyes as he bit his lips and his brows winced at your words. It felt like your eyes gazed into his for hours, you swore you could’ve stayed there for an eternity. You didn’t want to think about what would happen down the road. You wanted to think about this very moment, the moment when you and Jungkook were still best friends.
You took a deep breath and exhaled, shutting your eyes and blurting out your next few words. It was all or nothing.
“I’m the one who wrote those letters.”
And for the first time ever, Jungkook saw you for who you really were, he finally saw you as the best friend who had fallen so deeply for him.
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