#Beyonce
en
4,484 Members
Commons
Cards
Talks
Q&A
Members
Popular
Updated
If Celebrities Were Just Ordinary People
1. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West We know Kimye as being somewhat as American royalty. Kanye being an overly confident singer/rapper and Kim Kardashian maintaining her reality show and massive business empire. But in a parallel universe, Mr. West is working at an insurance company while Kim works as a dental assistant. They are your average middle class family living outside of San Diego. They named their child Stacey West and they were unable to have another child due to Kim's infertility. The medical costs would have been far too much to afford to try to have another child. 2. Beyoncé and Jay-Z Beyoncé and Jay-Z are artists making millions of dollars. Bey is Queen B and they are worldly known. The power couple goes on elaborate vacations and discards expensive luxury items because they can. However, in another universe Beyoncé and Jay-Z live in the Bronx. Jay-Z works as a teller at the local Chase Bank while Beyoncé works in Manhattan as a secretary. They have a little girl named Blue which is still a name of contention with the rest of the family. Like who would name their kid a color? 3. Jennifer Aniston One of the hottest and loved middle-aged celebrities out there. Aniston is a legend in Hollywood. However times have come at a rough time for Jennifer Aniston in a parallel universe. She gained far too much weight in college leading to her obesity and she continues to drink like a fiend. Aniston has been charged with illegal usage of prescription drugs. 4. The Kardashian Family They're you're favorite Californian family yet you're still unsure as to why you're so obsessed with them. They have a massive business empire that doesn't show any signs of slowing down. In this parallel universe, the Kardashians now live in Bakersfield. The women are growing older and wrinkled but they still go get their hair and nails done. Kris Kardashian is now a widow and will probably join eharmony soon. She never had Kendall or Kylie because she never remarried. She watches celebrity Caitlyn Jenner on the screen and is very supportive. "Wow," she thinks wondering what it would be like to be famous. 5. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie seem to be the couple that everyone wants to be like. They have amazing lives and an abundance of children. They are both gorgeous and they have everything they've ever wanted. In a parallel universe, Brad and Angelina never got married. They live in Appalachia and are simply friends with benefits. Brad goes to the local bar frequently while Angelina is a help at the post office. Angelina never settled down to have kids because she was diagnosed with breast cancer and she can't afford to get chemo. 6. Britney Spears 90's pop sensation is doing well. She's going through multiple boyfriends, she's got kids, and she's got plenty of shows in Vegas. Spears is still doing well! In a parallel universe, Spears lives in a trailer park 45 minutes outside of Knoxville, TN. She married a man named Bert. Spears though however, got caught this week with marijuana charges and will be in the county jail for two days. 7. Lindsay Lohan Lindsay Lohan has been known in recent years to be in and out of rehab, an alcoholic, and a drug addict. She's gone in a downward spiral and is trying to regain the remaining happiness in her life. However luckily in a parallel universe, Lohan is living a typical happy life on the east coast. She lives in a little cottage off the beach. She can wear flip flops everyday and even though she doesn't necessarily have the bikini body like she did as a teenager, she is comfortable in her own skin. And on occasion she'll have a cigarette. 8. Paris Hilton Ohhhh Paris. The original reality star phenomenon is famous for being famous. She doesn't have a talent but she does have a lot of money. In a parallel universe, Paris Hilton is a yuppie trophy wife. Her days of beauty and glamour never necessarily happened, she was just trying to be good enough for her well-off husband. She's still carrying around her yippie dog but instead of a Beverly Hills Mansion, she's got an average beach home in Ft. Lauderdale. Wooden walls give that nautical vibe. 9. Rihanna She seems to always be pushing the envelope and doesn't care if she's seen naked or not. She knows she's a sex symbol even though it's not her goal. Rihanna has award after award given to her and the radio keeps playing her songs. However, in a parallel universe, Rihanna is a realtor in Atlanta, Georgia. When she moved to the United States, she realized Atlanta to be an affordable, cultural, and fulfilling city. It also was home to a strong christian community and she felt very welcomed. And with big homes going for a cheap price in Atlanta suburbs, she has a comfortably steady income. The best part? She'll also be celebrating her 22nd anniversary with her husband this month. 10. Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus is on quite a change of heart in our world. She's trying to change the world in positive ways by creating an LGBT foundation and embracing her sexuality. She's got a new look, provocative music videos, and plenty of cash. But in a parallel universe Miley lives in Texas never able to get out of the lone star state to get to Nashville. She's already finished with high school and has never heard of a Disney show called "Hannah Montana". Her dream was to be a singer but with her father losing his job, it's not realistic.
If Your Favorite Pop Star Was A Pokémon Gym Leader
Leader: Rihanna Badge: ANTI Badge Special Move: Diamond Storm What's her name? Leader Rihanna! If you're looking for love in a hopeless place, Rihanna will let her Pokémon do all of the talking. Leader Rihanna is known for shining bright like a diamond with Fire and Dark Pokémon types. First she'll make you stay, then she'll give you four to five seconds to recover, and then she'll take her bow after she destroys you. You'll have to work work work work work work to beat this woman of Disturbia. Leader: Britney Spears Badge: Venom Badge Special Move: TOXIC It's Britney, b*tch. You want a piece of her? Be aware, Leader Britney may seem like a womanizer but she'll hit you baby one more time. Leader Britney loves her special move, TOXIC which will make you wanna go until the world ends. Her ending line when she beats you is, "Oops, I did it again." The gym is like a circus as her Pokémon are practically her slaves. But after all, don't hold it against her. Leader: Beyoncé Badge: Alliance Badge Special Move: Blue Flare Who run the world? Leader Beyoncé! Listen, Queen B is known for her fighting Pokémon who will show you that her badge is the best thing you never had. You'll fall crazy in love with trying to beat her but Leader Beyoncé puts her love on top calling out all of the single ladies proving that pretty hurts. Can you see her halo? Don't get an ego if you do happen to win because she's flawless. XO Leader: Adele Badge: Crying Badge Special Move: Mind Reader Hello, it's Leader Adele. We all know that you're looking for that hometown glory but Leader Adele with her normal Pokémon isn't going to let any water under the bridge. When you are young, it's easy to think there's someone like you. However, rumor has it Adele makes her competition roll in the deep, watch the sky fall as she sets fire to the rain and she will take it all. You'll be the one chasing pavements as you run to escape from her turning tables. Don't worry, she'll try to make you feel her love even though she can't make you love her if you don't. Good luck. Leader: Sia Badge: Wig Badge Special Move: Heart Stamp You'll definitely feel alive when you meet Leader Sia. The Dark, Ghost, and Psychic Pokémon Reaper will show you that Big Girls Cry. This is the gym where fire meets gasoline, an exotic experience where Sia frequently hangs from a Chandelier as she triumphs over the battle. Don't worry about your elastic heart, you can try again for another opportunity. Just know you've been changed.
Beyonce's Lemonade: Cheating, Forgiveness, and Growth
Don't have an hour to watch Beyonce's new visual album? It's okay, I did for you. (Though really, you should find time...) I went into this film knowing nothing about the plot, and I feel like it is best if you do the same. Below the cut on each block I provide the transcription. Certain parts are quite long so for the full spoken work, please visit Bustle. Intuition We begin with hauntingly silent images. There is no movement and you find yourself holding your breath without realizing. Here starts the monologue that chronicles a cheating relationship from the very start. Song lyrics: "I pray you catch me whispering." --------------- "I tried to make a home out of you but doors lead to trap doors, a stairway leads to nothing. In the tradition of men in my blood, you come home at 3 a.m. and lie to me. What are you hiding?" Denial Our leading woman transforms from her previous state. She jumps into the water, sheds her old clothes and becomes a different woman. She tries to just absorb the situation, to not let it affect her, to ignore it away. She dons a yellow dress and takes a baseball bat to the entire town. She's over the denial stage. Now, she's mad. Song lyrics: "What's worse, looking jealous or crazy?" "Can't you see there's no other man above you? What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you." -------- I tried to change, closed my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. But still inside me, coiled deep, was the need to know... are you cheating on me? Cheating? Are you cheating on me?" Anger Now we're taken to a deserted car park, where our leading woman scares the shit out of us. She spits of how stupid her lover was to lie to her, HER of all people! That he's not going to get away with it, that he doesn't know who he just messed with. In the midst of fire and darkness we are intimidated as hell. Song lyrics: "I'll give you one more try, you know I'm your life You try this shit again, you 'gon lose your wife." -------- If it's what you truly want... I can wear her skin over mine. Her hair over mine. Her hands as gloves. Her teeth as confetti. Her scalp, a cap. We can pose for a photograph all three of us. Immortalized... you and your perfect girl. Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? Everyone else can." Apathy Now that she's sufficiently made whoever cheated on her terrified for their lives, leading lady gets on a school bus "to the club" and lets us know that she no longer "gives a fuck." She's over it and moving on. Song lyrics: "Middle fingers up, put them hands high Put it in his face, tell him "boy, bye!'" -------------------- So, what are you gonna say at my funeral now that you've killed me? Here lies the body of love of my life, whose heart I broke without a gun to my head. Here lies the mother of my children, both living and dead. Rest in peace, my true love, who I took for granted." Emptiness We return to the car park, filled with flames. We flash back and forth between the car park, a mansion, and a long red hallway. She seems like she's in a trance and the fear-inducing attitude she had has faded. Song lyrics: "She just killed everybody in here and I was her witness" --------- She sleeps all day. Dreams of you in both worlds. Dear moon, we blame you for floods... for the flush of blood... for men who are also wolves. We blame for the night, for the dark, for the ghosts. Loss We're taken into the city and discover our leading lady is dealing with this blow by working her ass off. She throws herself into her craft, she's the best, she's "worth every dollar." But then our red hallway is set on fire - she's burning a house down. Song lyrics: "She's too smart to crave material things, stackin' her paper" ----------------- Every fear... every nightmare... anyone has ever had. Accountability We're in a mansion, we're in a neighborhood, we're in the past and present. We hear of a child wanting desperately to be like her mother, to be strong for her, to be a woman that is not bent and broken by any man in their lives. Father, friend, or husband. Song lyrics: "Came into this world, daddy's little girl. Daddy made a soldier out of me." ----------------- You find the black tube inside her beauty case where she keeps your father's old prison letters. You desperately want to look like her. You look nothing like your mother. You look everything like your mother. Your mother is a woman and women like her cannot be contained. Did he bend your reflection? Did he make you forget your own name? Did he convince you he was a god? Am I talking about your husband or your father? Reformation From the loud anthem of accountability, we're taken back to stark silence. We're in an empty stadium as we watch our leading woman come to terms with what is happening. She tries to see the other side, if there is another side. Perhaps if she changes her view she can change the situation. Song lyrics: "9 times out of 10 I know you're lying, and 9 times out of 10 I know you're trying, So i'm trying to be fair." "Cause you are my life line." ----------------- Why do you deny yourself heaven? Why do you consider yourself undeserving? Why are you afraid of love? You think it's not possible for someone like you. But you are the love of my life. You are the love of my life. You are the love of my life. Forgiveness We're taken to a peaceful place filled with books and music, a fire place. This is where our leading lady accepts and forgives. She is willing to try again but only if its a real try, if they're both committed. Jay-Z now makes his appearance. Confirming that this isn't fiction - Beyonce isn't playing any role but her own. Song lyrics: "And your heart is broken cause I walked away Show me your scars and I won't walk away And I know I promised that I couldn't stay, baby Every promise don't work out that way." ------------- Baptize me... now that reconciliation is possible. If we're gonna heal, let it be glorious. Do you remember being born? Are you thankful for the hips that cracked? Resurrection In resurrection we are shown women holding their lost loves ones (including the mothers of Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown and countless others.) A new beginning, but never forgetting. --------------- So how we supposed to lead our children to the future? What do we do? How do we lead them? Love. L-O-V-E, love. Hope Now Beyonce is determined to move forward with power, new strength, and freedom. She will not let her freedom "rot in hell." She will get everything she deserves, everyone will get what they deserve. Song lyrics: "Freedom freedom cut me lose Freedom freedom where are you cause I need freedom too." ---------- The nail technician pushed my cuticles back... turns my hand over, stretches the skin on my palm and says, "I see your daughters and their daughters." Redemption The wounds have closed and Beyonce says that the process, while it was heart breaking, has made her stronger, opened her eyes, and gave her a new purpose. The concept of Lemonade was inspired by her grandmother. She was a strong woman who made lemonade since her life gave her plenty of lemons. --------------------- Grandmother, the alchemist, you spun gold out of this hard life, conjured beauty from the things left behind. Found healing where it did not live. I had my ups and downs, but I always find the inner strength to pull myself up. I was served lemons, but I made lemonade. My grandma said "Nothing real can be threatened." True love brought salvation back into me. With every tear came redemption and my torturer became my remedy. So we're gonna heal. We're gonna start again. You've brought the orchestra, synchronized swimmers. After you've digested this, how do you feel about this open letter about infidelity?
SNL Perfectly Captures White Peoples Response To Beyonce.
Its been a week since the infamous half time show where the world finally seemed to realize that Beyonce was actually black. Ok, Ok, I'm kidding....kind of. But its been a week since she performed "Formation" and a week since her bad ass music video dropped as well and people are freaking the fuck out. It seems that a black artist taking advantage of such a public setting to use her art as a show of self expression and representation for serious issues her race is facing is just ... INSANITY! The internet has exploded with people criticizing Beyonce for "bashing police" and for being inappropriate to talk about police brutality at a sporting event. Sorry she made you feel so uncomfortable fellow white people. But the truth is, the song wasn't meant of us (although it is actually amazing.) And I'm confused how we can think we can comment and critique someones dialogue when it has NEVER happened to us. We white people can't actually understand being afraid of the police since we never had to be. Check out SNL's perfect skit that points out just how fucking cray everyone went...the day they realize Beyonce was black. Oh and by the way, she isn't a hypocrite in having police protecting her. Calling out Police brutality isn't calling all police bad, its pointing out that there are some people in power who are making the world unsafe for certain people. And that is not ok. Saying #alllivesmatter is the same as saying #notallmen. Pointless and uneducated.