How To End Disney Movies In 30 Seconds
Classic Disney movies all roughly fell into a similar formula. The main character fell in love, wanted the other character to fall in love with them too, had a huge secret, and well, the big reveal climax got all sorts of complicated.
It's something that's worked for filmmakers and often satisfied the typical 90-minute film length. However, an artist has reimagined just how easy it would have been to end the main character's plight in 30 seconds or less. Movie: 'The Lion King' (1994) Plight: Scar kills Simba's dad; Simba goes on a soul-searching journey. Suggested Solution: Simba could have spared himself the journey and just tell everyone that Scar was the one who did it.
While this makes for a pretty hilarious comic, Simba didn't actually know that Scar was the one who did it until he was much older and Scar confessed. So this one probably wouldn't have worked. Movie: 'Aladdin' (1992) Plight: The Genie says that Aladdin has three wishes, but he cannot wish for love, the resurrection of someone who died, or additional wishes. Suggested Solution: Aladdin wishes for lust, retroactive immortality, and 100 more genies.
I... have never noticed how glaringly obvious the decision to wish for more genies was until now. Aladdin, why didn't you wish for more genies? Are you insane?! Movie: 'Cinderella' (1950) Plight: Prince Charming forgets who Cinderella is and hunts her down by trying to place her glass slipper on the feet of all the single ladies. Suggested Solution: Prince Charming asks her for her name and actually remembers what she looks like.
How much of a doofus could you be, Prince Charming?! I mean, you spend a whirlwind romantic evening with a mysterious lady, and you don't even ask her what her name is? Movie: 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs' (1937) Plight: The Evil Queen feeds a poisoned apple to Snow White, and she falls into a deep sleep. Suggested Solution: Snow White bribes the Queen's court attendants with the dwarfs' diamonds and gets the Evil Queen locked up.
Am I the only one who doesn't understand this one? How did Snow White figure out what the Evil Queen was up to? Is this post-apple or pre-apple? A girl's got questions. Movie: 'Mulan' (1998) Plight: Mulan fights for the Chinese military on behalf of her father - disguised as a dude. Suggested Solution: Mulan confesses to being a woman, wows her casual misogynist comrades with her epic pet dragon.
This could probably work, but wasn't Mushu kind of a wimpy dragon? I've only seen 'Mulan' once, but I'm pretty sure those same dudes were making fun of him for being hella weak. Movie: 'The Little Mermaid' (1989) Plight: Ariel (a little mermaid) sacrifices her voice in exchange for legs in order to meet the hunky sailor she saved from drowning, struggles pretty hard in finding ways to communicate. Suggested Solution: Ariel finds a pen and paper and lets him know what's up.
THIS IS THE MOST OBVIOUS SOLUTION OF ALL TIME. Remember when Ariel signs Ursula's contract? I mean, CLEARLY Ariel knows how to write. I'm shaking my head.
Anyway, what do you guys think? Do you think you can come up with any others?