depression

en
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I'm always longing for a love that is not there, I can see him and touch him. but then when I'm aware he is not there, I have a break down. Makes me want to live in that dream where I can stay with him all day and all night. I know this is bad to want to be with someone who is not there. But deep inside I hope I could meet this person in real life if I could travel. I feel like I would finally reach him and this dream I have for years will finally come true.
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When I was in high school the school sent me to the doctor's thinking I was depressed because I seldom talked or ineracted with others my age. For 2 years I took a cocktail of so-called helpful medication that my doctor would always get for free from the drug representative just cause I couldn't afford a regular script. All these years later and it turns out I've never really had the depression rather I've been diagnosed bipolar 2 with insomnia and social anxiety. I wish I could sue both the school and the doctor for doing nothing but intoxicating and changing my current view/approach at life at the time. OH were I would be instead, if only everybody else would mind their own business!
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I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
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