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18

Dear Significant Other, I hope I have not forgotten myself by the time we meet. I'd really like to dance with you. Real slow for the moments when I need to hear the beating of your heart while we're close together, when words cannot express how much I need to be held. Faster for when laughter is running through my veins, when I feel like lifting you and spinning you until your smile has touched every corner of the room. Either way, I can't wait for my hands to meet yours. I'd like to feel that. Catching my breath is difficult at times but when it comes to those I love, i tend to catch my breath whenever they are around me. Whenever they hold me until my body hears theirs say they love me. I'll save my hands for you. I'll give my heart to God daily so when you arrive, it is ready to love you because it loves him. I just caught my breath typing that, I'm going to love you and I pray God shows me how to do it the best way possible. Maybe we shall have a song, or several but incase we don't; The Book of Love - Peter Gabriel. From one of my favorite movies, Shall We Dance. "But I, I love it when you read to me. and you, you can read me anything. the book of love has music in it, infact that's where music comes from. Some of it's just trancendental, some of it's just really dumb. but i, i love it when you sing to me. and you, you can sing me anything... The book of love, is long and boring, and written very long ago. it's full of flowers and heart shaped boxes, and things we're all to young to know." If this song ever plays while we're together, I will hold you until we become one. We can stand in place or sway from side to side. We could look into each others eyes or keep them shut and let our bodies do the seeing for us. We will create our own lyrics as our love grows and live the life God wants for us. I pray we are both ready for that. love yours,
Fiction
Poetry
+ 2 interests

17

Dear Signficant Other, I must allow myself to be true especially when it comes to prayer and writing. If anything, writing has become the way I pray more honestly. There are rarely vain repetitions when writing. Sometimes I think i'm going crazy. Whether I'm expressing or not. Odds are you won't understand this, there are rarely people who do and I am more okay with that than I should be. There has always been music, and running. Lord knows how much I love running. I don't even need a destination, I just need to be moving. Giving my lungs a reason to burn has always felt better than feeling overwhelmed by emotions that I am still learning to express in words. How do I explain feeling like the tune to Wolves by Kanye on one day then feeling like Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata the next. Both leave me feeling................... I must allow myself to describe this. I must. Even if the description may not make sense to you. It is alright, okay? it is alright and it always will be. I need to assure you, constantly. Anything that happens to me, anything I feel and express, no matter how bad, it will always be alright. We will be alright. Both allow me to fight whatever is inside. Whatever tries to eat at me when things get rough. all a battle i have already won because of God but still I return. Not rational, I know. I am used to switching out of this like it isn't eating at me. Especially on the easier days. allowing this to take over is harder around people, not as hard as it used to be but I hope I will have learnt how to be comforted by the time we meet. Trust me, I'm not mad. I promise. Love yours,
Fiction
Poetry
+ 2 interests

16

Dear Significant Other, I realise now that these letters are for me more than they are for you. It is easier like this, exploring myself. It is easier when it is addressed to a currently imaginary person. I've been trying to write about apathy and I do not know why, it's like I want to feel more but whenever I start I think of a million reasons not to. I believe that hearts are safer in cages but extremely beautiful when set free. I'm just not 100% sure if I want to be beautiful or safe. C.S.Lewis was spot on for this but I am at a crossroad, I keep alternating between the two paths even though I know love I where I want to live, it is the only way I know how to live. I don't like apathy. I don't like safety. I think feeling anything at all is beautiful, reminds us that we are alive yet I still consider emptiness. This is all so frustrating. It's like the flow in my writing is disappearing because these are all things I would rather not think about. I'm actually so used to hearing "wow, you're overthinking" or "be happy" but what people fail to understand is I am happy. I have sad moments but I am a happy person. I want love. I really want love. Not boyfriend/girlfriend things, although they would be nice. I mean actual love, the type of love where you can be who you are around people without fear of judgement even though they are probably judging you. I know I am an idealist more often than not but I'm cool with that. I'm silly. I'm playful. I'm serious when I need to be but Lord help me, I need to feel. I need to write to you more. love yours, N.M.D

15

Dear Significant other, I am learning about struggle. Mostly internal. I now believe it is something we all go through, it seems to come about more often when you don't agree with the things going on around you so it can be a sign that you're living "right" but that also depends on what causes this struggle... I want to hold on to my morals, not for your sake... for mine. I always address these letters to you but they are more for me if I am totally honest. This struggle makes reaching out to people feel like such a challenge. I am trying to unlearn a lot. There is a thin line that separates a funny joke from an offensive one, that line has been shifting a lot lately; the more I learn, the more I get stressed. There is so much evil in this world. I feel like there is a lot of evil in me. I don't like it. I don't like the fact that it is even possible. I know there is good as well, I love the good. I love watching it grow but the bad does haunt me a lot, the endless possibilities. Sometimes tears flow out of one eye but just collect in the other, I don't understand it. Clearly I don't understand a lot but that is okay, I am learning to love the things I can't understand. Learning to hate them as well. "Being given the strength to endure doesn't mean it won't hurt to do so." I just saw this. It hit deep. It hurts so much and I am tired. I am so tired but quiting is not an option. I belong to God, God gives me rest, God comforts me, God guides me. I need to follow more. I think about peace a lot. Peace of mind I mean. It is strange but I do not think it is a constant thing in this world. It comes and goes like the wind. I don't mind anymore. I wonder if I will ever let myself fully pursue love... Maybe one day I will expand on that thought, farewell for now... Love yours,
Quotes
Poetry
+ 3 interests

13

Dear significant other, I am frustrated. I have probably said this before but I feel like letting go of emotions. They rarely stop me from getting work done, which is a good thing but I am tired. I don't know why I still write these, I just do. I'm sitting here, thinking about the life I want to live. How I want to handle things. Recently I've been thinking about what God wants as well, what God wants for my life. I came to the realisation that forgiveness is for my sake, not God's. I am so tired. I apologise when I express myself too much... maybe it's because part of me still has that macho attitude I grew up learning. It's like I am fighting two different sides of me, I know that both sides are accepted in society to an extent and both are rejected as well so I have to choose for me. It actually hurts. Knowing that a side of me believes that this is not what a "man" is, a side of me questions this so much. Sometimes when I cry my face is blank. The tears aren't hot. I don't weep. They leave a trail as they travel down my face and that's it. I don't try to wipe them. I want to believe that there is nothing wrong with me, that this is normal, every one goes through this. I really do. "I am tired" is what I say when I don't want to deal with things. I think the world needs more spaces where people can just go and scream. Scream their lungs out until they feel like they don't need to scream anymore. I'm tired. I pray my heart can love you.

11

Dear significant other, I felt something yesterday. I met someone. She makes me feel. She looks at me in a certain way and I feel like I can be loved by a human in a more than friendly way again. But yesterday I learnt about her preference and I don't fit that category, I felt my heart go numb. It hurt. But it also got me thinking... Preference doesn't matter if the feelings are true, the feelings can only be true if she sees exactly who I am and CHOOSES to be with me. I am still not sure if I will make a move but I really enjoy being her friend, let me tell you more about her... I smile when I see her. I love her voice, her laugh, her mind. Her energy is infectious and I do not want to drain her. She is beautiful, I don't know if she knows this about herself. I think about the way she looks at me and I can catch my breath. I thank God for her, for who she is. I love that it isn't just physical attraction, I really love that. Her mind, her heart. She is compassionate, she is passionate about people, she has goals, she has dreams, she has faith. I'm used to people quitting on me when things go wrong and that is understandable because I give up as well. Trying will always be a two way street. But we are from different worlds, her and I. Yet I showed her my scars, my secrets, and she found them beautiful. She finds life beautiful and that is the most beautiful thing about her. I know I am repeating this but... I thank God for her, for creating her. Her smile is so wide. At times I think about kissing her then I remember that she means so much to me, there is always temptation when it comes to attraction. I just have to remember control, and to you my dear... I can't promise that I won't be tempted by others but I am growing as we speak. I am learning. I never want to cheat on you. I want to be the best I can be so I am viewing temptations come and go, I am fighting, trying my best not to act on it. Praying to God to get me through. I am learning. I am growing. When I am with you, my significant other, I pray to God that I AM WITH YOU! Through thick and thin. You will always be my lady. Even if as I write, you may be calling someone else your man... When the time comes for us to be together, when one of us makes a move and latches on to the other, I will love you. I will love you. I will love you. Love yours, N.M.D