We can't live with them, although we can't live without them. No matter how hard we try, it takes everything in us to truly understand their thought process. As women we don't always agree with the decisions they make and this is why I have created these brief interviews with men. Yes, you read it correctly.
This is a three part series of interviews. A spinoff of David Foster Wallace's, Brief Interviews With Hideous Men. I have taken the time to compile a series of questions I randomly asked three men. This man will be referred to as Subject #18. These answers are real, raw and get straight to the point -- in hopes of opening up not only my eyes, but all woman's eyes to the way in which men think and why they think the way they do.
I introduce to my version of what I would like to call Brief Interviews With Everyday Men.
Q: Are you single? If so, why?
A: Yes, I am single. I would say I'm single because I haven't found the right one to potentially be the one I marry. I'm 25, the starting over process when dating gets old. Plus, I haven't found that one that is what I'm looking for quality wise.
Q: How long have you been single?
A: I have been single for a year.
Q: Has being single taught you any lessons that you wish you had known when you were in a relationship?
A: Yes, I have realized that even though while in your twenties, you are suppose to be grinding and trying to find your purpose, sometimes it's good to have that one by your side that is along for the ride. I used to have my head down,working on me, and after I got to where I wanted, I looked back and realized I didn't have a significant other to share in my shining moments. So, lesson I learned, is to find yourself, love yourself in the process, but don't allow yourself to get so wrapped up in your goals that you end up eating at the victory dinner alone.
Q: Do you enjoy the single life? Why or why not?
A: I enjoy the single life at times, but it does get old as well. I'm a relationship person. I enjoy the thought of building something with someone and every other aspect in the relationship journey.
Q: Do you feel like more of a man when you're in a relationship?
A: I don't think it's about feeling more of a man, we each have roles in a relationship. But, I think it's about enjoying the feeling of putting someone before yourself and being the reason why that person walks around with a smile and is in a good mood.
Q: There probably isn't one correct answer and you might not even have an answer at all, but why do men cheat?
A: I think men cheat because they are scared of commitment. They are also afraid that they are missing out on something, and curiosity. There will always be a prettier woman with bigger breasts, bigger butt, etc. and if those females come at you and throw sex etc at you, some guys don't want to be left wondering what if. Another reason why they cheat is because they may not be happy in their relationship. The couple could be arguing all the time, brink of breaking up, and he maybe setting up his next move.
Q: Have you ever cheated before? Been cheated on? What was the cause?
A: I have not cheated. I have always said that i would break up with my girl before I cheated. I have been cheated on twice. The first, I believe it was due to long distance. The second, I was working a lot due to a new job, and even though I made time for her, nothing was ever good enough for her.
Q: Do you think with cheating comes insecurity?
A: Sometimes I do believe it comes with insecurity. If they aren't answering your calls etc in a timely manner or wants to go out with friends, it irks your nerves. If you've been cheated on you develop trust issues, so you start to wonder if they are messing around with someone else, and if that's the case then you need to be doing the same thing because you not going to be looking dumb if they are cheating. (Insecure mindset)
Q: What do you believe is the main foundation besides trust that a relationship needs in order to survive and grow?
A: Besides trust there needs to be communication. Communication is a stronger base than trust. In my relationships God also has to be part of my foundation too. Also support needs to be there as well.
Q: How do you feel about online dating? Do you feel like today's society doesn't take dating as serious because of online dating?
A: I've tried online dating but never had success in it because I never met my match. I think it bases the relationship on looks first. Now, granted you have profiles etc. but so many people lie on those things. I'm more of a traditional person, I love meeting people in person and building a relationship from there, not behind a computer screen or a text message. I do feel like society doesn't take dating as serious because everything can be done online and informally. But, that also creates problems because most of the time, the person doesn't know how to function on a actual date when they do meet because they aren't hiding behind a screen. I've met women who say they let guys take them out from online dating just for a free meal. It's crazy to me.
Q: Are all men a little shallow?
A: I think at times we can all be a little shallow.
Q: Have you ever been in love before?
A: I've been in love one time.
Q: How old were you when you first fell in love?
Q: What is your definition of love? Do you feel like people use the word too loosely?
A: Love is caring for someone and putting their interests first before yours. It's waking up having them on your mind all throughout the day. It's wanting them to be apart of your life and can't even imagine them out of your life. I think that the word love gets thrown around too much in your early years but when you get older and know the real meaning then you hold on to that word until you truly know that it's a special person.
Q: Do titles really mean anything at the end of the day?
A: I think titles mean something when your really interested in a person and you're exclusive. It sounds a lot better introducing your family to your girlfriend rather than just a friend. They are going to assume y'all are together anyway. But, in the beginning stages, if there is communication about expectations, and everyone is on the same page, there's no need for titles. You both know what it is etc.
Subject #18 gave us an opportunity to see things through a man's point of view and gain a clearer understanding on their thought process based on love and relationships. It's obvious that men have feelings too, but it's obvious there's more.