Welcome to Dansylvania, my very own country. Dansylvanians, as they're known, are a very proud and peaceful people - well, until the annual glitter fight in our capital, Arkeleigh (pronounced 'R. Kelly'). That's when things get a little messy.
The above image is our nation's flag - sliced chorizo (because pork), a backdrop of yellow rice (a subtle nod to Uncle Ben, our appointed Commander of Carbs), and Estelle Getty, the patron saint of our humble land - better known as Sophia from 'Golden Girls'.
Our national anthem is Soul For Real's "Candy Rain", which refers back to the regional folklore of our country's origin. Basically, our soils were formed by the collected time and pressure of many candy-coated raindrops. Or so they say.
Our country's bird is the Surfin' Bird, made famous by the Trashman in 1964. It was Dansylvanian founder, @danidee's favorite song when she was a kid, and she would slide around the kitchen floor in slipper-socks shouting "BIRD-BIRD-BIRD. BIRD'S THE WORD."
But I digress.
The national flower is the tissue paper flower. The founder learned how to make these when she was like, six, and they're the only flowers she could think of that would sustain through all seasons.
As for people appointed to Dansylvanian political office, they are a combination of the founder's close friends and family, as well as her favorite celebrities from back home in the United States.
Vice President (also known as Macaroni to President's Cheese):@jlee37
The Supreme Court Justice: Judge Judy (obviously)
The Supreme Court Jester: Aziz Ansari
Speaker Of The House:@buddyesd (whose only role is to shout an encouraging "YOU CAN DO IT!!" before each political conference)
The Executive Curator of the National Archive of Graphic Novels:@shannonl5
National Treasurer: My sister (because she usually does my taxes)
National Cellist: Probably Yo-Yo Ma, but I'm open to be swayed.
And finally, the official currencies of Dansylvania are the official Dansylvanian secret handshakes, which range based on value.
Basically, it works like this: If the buyer screws up the handshake, he can make the purchase until he's gotten it right. But if the seller screws up the handshake, the buyer gets it for free. So study hard, local entrepreneurs. Study hard.
I hope you've enjoyed your visit to Dansylvania. Be sure to come back soon!