Saying "I love you" - Why we tiptoe around it or don't say it at all.
I was reminded by a writer on Vingle, LizArone that many people have trouble saying I love you because they think there are some sort of “rules” or they’re afraid of losing the “upper hand” or control of the “game”.
Her point of the article was to encourage others to not have reservations about saying I love you, primarily because it makes people feel good. Basically, why would you not want to say something awesome to make someone you care about feel good?
"A lot of the ways that evolution influences us don't ever enter the level of consciousness," Kendrick said. "People won't say they like chocolate because it had benefits for our ancestors. They just say they like it. We do what feels right, whether or not people are consciously playing the game ."
Local freelance journalist and Disovery.com contributor reported that evolutionary impulses may drive people to play dating games, even when their emotions feel genuine on the inside, according to Douglas Kendrick, a social psychologist at Arizona State University in Tempe.
If you aren’t ready to say it or put yourself out there, you aren’t the only one. New research shows that many “play the game”. Especially women.
Playing the game tests the commitment and quality of your “could be” mate.
Published in the European Journal of Personality, “Playing Hard-to-Get: Manipulating One’s Perceived Availability as a Mate” Peter K. Jonason and Norman P., say women may exhibit this quality more "Because a woman risks more in her sexual relationships than men do – pregnancy costs – she should want a mate who has higher value and is unlikely to leave her saddled with an offspring." Which could be why it is perceived, why men "should" say it first - to make the woman feel more secure.
Either way our Vingle friend, Liz may be right:
“If you are seeking to have more control, the upper hand, or are worried about looking needy, your relationship is not stable enough for actual love yet ”.
Have you ever experienced similar feelings? How did you deal with them?