3 years ago1,000+ Views
Alright, I get it. You just got dumped. It's sucks but it happens to everyone. Trust me, it's happened to me plenty of times and these next two weeks are going to be-- Wait, what? You don't want to get over it? I can get behind that. I've been there too and I think I can help out. There are two things you need to do.
The first thing you want to do is:

Indulge, like, in everything.

I mean, you probably don't want to do drugs or anything like that -- you've never really been into doing drugs anyway -- but I do know you love ice cream and pizza and consuming things that you probably shouldn't be eating.
You should turn on the TV [they turn on the TV and put it on some show about Housewives or dating or something else that's very enjoyable and vapid but still very enjoyable]. And, yeah, start eating some of those snacks. Remember how your significant other always gave you shit for eating unhealthy or not taking care of your body? Well, fuck them and fuck that.
Go grab that stale pack of Marlboro Reds that you kept hidden under your bed. Smoke up, kid, you've got all night. Eat that giant bag of greasy chips in one sitting, you're watching a marathon after all. Get all the ice cream out of the fridge and eat that too. You should probably, maybe get a box of Lucky Charms and only eat the marshmallows because you are hurt and you need something soft and sweet right now.
The second and final (and most important thing) you need to do is:

Stop caring. Seriously, nothing matters.

Nothing at all. You're hurt. Stay hurt. Don't worry about a thing, eat your chips, smoke your cigarettes, drink your shitty beer and boxed wine, and stay indoors. I don't care, you shouldn't either! Isn't that an amazing feeling?
Once you stop caring about, literally, everything. Nothing matters and you can do whatever you want. You'll have finally understand the meaning of the word freedom. I get it, you're hurt, everything sucks. You thought you were going to marry this person and it looks like you aren't. Well stop that. Who gives a fuck? They sure as hell don't.
Do whatever you want, man. Nothing matters anymore. Your heart is broken. That attractive person that lives next to you? Go knock on their door (or don't). That pack of cigarettes is looking particularly full and you want to empty it in a night? Fucking, do it (or don't).
Who are you trying to impress? Nobody, they're gone remember. Lay in bed all day (or don't do that, seriously don't do that). You finally don't have that asshole of a significant other telling you how to live your life, so stop caring about what they think and walk the fuck outside. Put on your I'm-an-Adult-Glasses and go do and see all the things you do or don't want to. It doesn't matter anymore.
Nothing does. The only thing that really does matter, like capital-M Matter, is that you're alive and living the life you want to without worrying about some dickhead.
1 comment
this is great - it levels with a person where they're at. I'm tired of seeing all these heartbreak tips that constantly implore you to start dieting and exercise and "be the best you you can be". fuck that. I wanna eat magic mushroom pizza.