3 years ago1,000+ Views
I have friend. Two years back she met a guy via some social networking site. She was already broken heart as her fiance passed on in year 2012. She was in her recovering phase when she met that guy. His voice resembled to her fiance's voice. She started liking him. Before meeting, she told that guy about her past, what she was going through and she is fatty n not gf stuff. That guy asked to meet. They met. No doubt that guy is so damn handsome while my friend is average looking girl. She doesnt know why but she thought it was a date. She fell for him. She was blushing. Her eyes turned pink. She could feel every vein of hers falling for him. Her pain of losing her fiance was melting away. That guy knew what she was feeling for him. She told him. Neither he approved nor he disapproved. They started dating although no one said. That guy showed care towards her but she misunderstood it for love. My friend was falling for him every moment. He knew it all, everytime. All people around her knew she was in love. She used to blush all time. Her eyes turned pink with love. He was same. Non of his friend or fellow knew he was dating her. She found it strange sometimes but never over thought. She trusted every word from him. Some days passed and he too said he loved her. She was on cloud 9. She got happiness of lifetime. They were happy. Few days passed, the guy started ignoring her. When she asked he said, he is getting engaged. She broke once again. There was no said commitment but she was not expecting this too early. Later she found he lied to her. When asked he said he doesnt love her, he never did. She tried once again, he didnt reply. She asked again, he said since we are not from same religion we are not meant to be together. She asked again, he said since we cant be together, there is no future, thats why he has take such a step. I couldnt understand why it happened. She told him she is not pretty even then he was the one who insisted on meeting. My friend feels that may be he was ashamed of her as she is not pretty. She is fat. Now she feels so low that she couldnt be loved by anyone. She is scared of Love. She is scared of being left alone again. She couldnt trust any guy. She still loves him. She cant love for him go of. I dont understand why she has to cry, why she has to miss him, why she wants him ? He is not with him because he never wanted. He came to left. Then why she is beholding feelings for him. I'm confused. I was feeling so heavy, so shared. Any advice or comments are welcome.
Wow all really great advice @hanskapend @myguardian @RajgopalReddy @MissB82 I am so sorry this happened to your friend @shanu2905 :( It sounds really hard. Rejection can be a very crushing feeling, and difficult to recover from. I agree with what @myguardian said, that it's important to have a loving relationship with yourself before you can have a loving relationship with others. Your friend should take this as a time to be in a relationship with herself, learn to love herself for who she is, and love her body too. It doesn't matter what you look like, beauty is inside. If you believe that, you will nurture your inner beauty and that will shine through. Some people who are beautiful on the outside are really horribly ugly on the inside. Your friend is probably a better, stronger person for having experienced this hardship – she should be proud of herself for making it through! And someday, she will find someone who treats her right, and who is not a selfish jerk. This guy was a total loser, and she should be glad to see him go. Please tell her we are all thinking of her and wishing her well as she heals her broken heart <3 ~
Who we wish someone is or has the potential to become doesn't change who they actually are. Unfortunately some people are excellent chameleons. Nothing more than illusion. Finding out is like being sucker punched, completely off guard, in a spinning room with the lights off. Denial is a bitch. We ignore red flags because we see what we want to see. Ask her, to be honest with herself, and think if there were moments along the way when her gut instincts told her something wasn't right about him/them. From my experience, nothing makes what's happened OK. It's awful. I said it. Moving on & growing from it, requires figuring out what role we played in it. Did we comprise our personal boundaries? Did we ignore our our intuition? Did we settle or enable?Were we in hope-induced denial? What everyone wants, asides from being loved & to love, is to be able to trust themselves with their own life & happiness. So if/there's signs or red flags, we can rely on ourselves to face facts as it's happening, give our inner voice credit & act. Noone is more invested in self preservation than....self. He didn't have her best interests at heart. She hoped he did. It's a faulty equation - he was never the right answer in first place. But it might help her to realise nor is he the right answer for his fiancé (if he actually has one) or any loyal woman, given his indiscretions. So he's not a prized catch or the one that got away. He's a snake. Trust self first. The rest will follow.
Thank you @hanskaped @myguardian @RajgopalReddy @MissB82 for supporting with your useful sayings. Thank you so much. I realise its pretty important to love your own self. Now, what i learnt is "LOVE YOURSELF, THEN THE WORLD WILL FALL FOR YOU" :):):)
love doesnt disappear right after a bad moment, it has to take time to go away. it's more like a building, when it gets destroyed, you won't be able to rebuild it instantaneously. it has to take time. she and even you may not like it but that's how it is. just be patient and take her out some places where she's not gonna think about him. you may also need a bit of patience.
wise comment hanskapend. She was perhaps too trusting too soon when she was not completely healed from her previous relationship. If she is not happy to be alone or if she has any disaproval toward herself because of how she looks - then she needs to build herself up first before she gives her heart to a man. She needs to do some soul searching to know what she wants, doesnt want, looks for in a man, figure what she likes to do that gives her happiness. It is best to know such things before getting into a relationship. It is a foundation that is built before adding something onto it like a home. Each person that builds that solid foundation is able to give love and commitment because she already has love and commitment from and for herself. It is harder to give love and commitment without that solid foundation and if she does not already have love and commitment with herself. I hope this is not too hard to understand.
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