1,000+ Views

"I Never Tried A Black Woman"

The other night when I went out dancing, a reggae song pumped through the speakers and I began to roll with the rhythm. But then a lightbulb went on in my head and immediately stopped dancing.
I remembered that I am visiting a space where black bodies are mostly seen just behind the television screen. I am in a homogeneous city where I stick out like a neon sign in a dark alley. I wasn't with my black friends at local dance club where black bodies are often seen. I was in a place that only understood black bodies the way they they were vomited from the booty-bouncing television screens.
And not there is anything wrong with us moving our bodies -- but there is a problem in how how we are stereotypically perceived. We are perceived as one-dimensional sex animals ready to be thickly diced and dumped onto a rusty-edged plate. And because of this, there this pressure to be "culturally appropriate." There is a pressure of responsibility to sort of correct the societal perception of us.

"I Never Tried A Black Woman"

The issues that comes from dating outside of my race, is that I am often having to screen men. Am I being fetishized? Or does a man really sincerely enjoys my company?
When a man says, "I never tried a black woman," it doesn't make me feel flattered. It makes me like side dish waiting to be quickly consumed and made into waste.
I don't want to be consumed, "tried," or used as an experiment. I don't want to be anyone's fetish.
Since black women are overly sexualized, I am constantly trying to portray a much softer, innocent woman. I want to be respected, which means I have to push a certain image. I am mostly covered up. I speak a certain way (or try my best) around different crowds of people. I think about how I am sitting, if my sports bra is fully covering my breasts, if my outfit doesn't reveal too much my va-va voom shape.
But sometimes I actually want to be sexy. However, I also sometimes want to portray cuteness. I want to be fashionable. I want to be confident. Some days I want to portray innocence. But when it comes to sexy -- my sexiness and my existence can be misconstrued as something much more racy, vulgar, or threatening.
“American racist tropes tend to be constructed in ways that render black women one-dimensional,” says Mikki Kendall, a writer and cofounder of
I want to be portrayed as a human being with multiple complexities, desires, interests, and needs. I want to be portrayed as human, not as a prop or a stereotypical character. The way I act is constantly under social scrutiny. I don't want to come off as the angry-black-woman. Or the subservient mammy.

I just want to come off as....human.

{count, plural, =0 {Comment} one {Comment} other {{count} Comments}}
@alywoah it's so stupid that people think things like that never tried a black woman thought!! I've always thought that a woman is a human being no different from myself. I admit when I was a teenager me and my friends would talk a lot of stupid stuff, but when one of my friends liked my sister all of those stupid things hit me right between the eyes. that's when I started to understand that every woman is someone important to somebody else. someone's daughter, mother, sister, cousin and I'll tell you I regretted my behavior.
Awww well you sure seem like you make an amazing grandfather. Full of youth! @buddyesd
@jordanhamilton too late lol my princess made me a grandpa already :)
uhh oh! lol well hopefully you won't be getting called grandpa anytime soon :) @buddyesd
well said @buddyesd ! all woman should be treated equally at the end of the day.
Cards you may also be interested in
LGBT Pride Playlist
In light of the tragedy in Orlando, I want to make sure that everyone in this community regardless of your sexual orientation, your religious beliefs, or your political opinions, knows that you're loved. Everyone deserves to love and be loved, to live their lives how they wish, and to feel safe being themselves. Here are a few songs of encouragement, and I hope that anyone affected (which, really, should be all Americans) find peace. Amber - Borders Stand up, fall down, up again Up against the pressure I am in Slowly but surely I begin Jumping trains ‘cause I know I can win I know there’s a plan So thick the fog but I know I can trust The feelings that I feel when the roads rough Park Jungmin - Not Alone I can believe I’m not alone Not alone now, not sad anymore and I can feel it I’m not alone Definitely not alone, never be exhausted again Song Jieun - Don't Look At Me Like That Don’t look at me like that We’re just in love, that’s all Don’t hate on us, however you’re viewing us We’re just a little different Just leave us alone Can’t we live in a world where time stands still? Why? Why not? We did nothing wrong Why? Why not? We’re so in love Ailee - Heaven You taught me love in this harsh world I am happy with you alone Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven If we're together we will never cry never never cry Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Forever, together never gonna be alone BTS - Save Me Listen to my heartbeat It calls you whenever it wants to Because within this pitch black darkness You are shining so brightly Go spread love today, and every day.
Women Are Clingy, Men Are Romantic
Why is it that when a man performs a wild, extravagant, borderline-stalker gesture, and he's SO ROMANTIC. A woman attempts to sweep a man off of his feet, and we're called crazy. Or clingy. Or obsessive. Why is it more socially acceptable for a man to overly express his emotional side but women need to play it cool when it comes to romance? Writes you letters everyday. Think of the Notebook. We're told to think that's super romantic of the guy, but if a girl did it she'd be seen as obsessed!! Throws rocks at your window. I used to fantasize about that when I was younger, hoping my crush would ride his bike over and say he loves me from the street below. But think about a girl doing that...she's probably stalking you. Shows up outside your classroom door to walk you to your next class. A guy standing outside your office or classroom door is sweet, touching, cute, but a girl might be a little obsessed with you, right? Trying to change your mind about dating them. Girls chasing after their crush telling them 'I'll treat your right!,' ' Just give me one shot,' or anything Heath Ledger said in 10 Things I Hate About You just sounds goofy to think about! Do anything annoyingly musical. Put on a performance in front of the whole school, hold up a boom box outside of your window, whatever it is, guys can do it and girls should sort of...not... Use pick up lines. Guys may get a huge eye roll for using them, but have you ever heard a girl throw out a pick up line at someone at the bar? Probably not. Ladies: Do you ever feel like you can't make any big romantic gestures? What's a romantic thing you've done? Ladies and Gentlemen: Would you be turned on or off by a girl doing a bigger romantic gesture that's usually just considered a guy thing? Personally, I'm all for everyone showing love in as many ways as they can! I'm not super into big romantic things for me personally, but I say guys and gals should be able to do whatever they want!