2 years ago
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5 Ways to be Less Judgmental (On Loving Ourselves and Others)
Thinking about this hateful video put out by now disgraced youtuber Nicole Arbour, I thought I'd combat it with a solution if you will, to the national epidemic of judgmental, hateful people.
Nobody wants to be a heinous advocate of fear and self-loathing. Although we might not all be "okay" with ourselves, our bodies or our lives, but that's no reason to lash out at others.
If you're looking for someone to rip this youtuber to shreds, you're in the wrong place. No amount hate can justify what she did, but I won't add to her legend by giving her the focus of this post. Instead, I'm going to focus on what we can learn.
We are all guilty of being judgmental, hell I'm judgmental.

I think the best way to make the world a better place for everyone: freaks, losers, happy people, bloggers, junkies, body-positive peeps, drifters, writers, athletes, health-nuts and everyone in between, we have to stop judging.

Don't throw stones at glass houses when you live in one too.

We've all got things we hate about ourselves, but that doesn't mean we should hate each other.

1. Understand that it isn't your business what other people do.

Yeah, you can care about people, try and help them, but that help doesn't include judgement. If you or someone you know is going through a hard time, the last thing they want is to deal with a pest. People want to feel independent and worthwhile. It's just a part of life. You cannot believe that people are going to change because you want them to, that's just naive.
You have to instead, give them your concern, provide them with knowledge to help and let go. Do you hear me? LET GO. People will help themselves when they want to be helped, and that is a stone cold fact.
You do not abandon those having issues, you just support them, no matter what.
You have to listen to them too. Don't blindly judge without having all of the information.

2. Don't be a bully.

Judgement often involves bullying. That video is a prime example of bullying. Although the youtuber in question, and many advocates of "I'm doing this for your health" fitness gurus just "want to help" they end up putting people down. Discouraging someone and bullying them into changing will not only drive them to continue their "bad" or whatever, behavior, but it'll also tear their confidence to shreds.
When I was going through some issues and people told me I was a fuck up, it just made me want to fuck up more. Do you see where I'm going? Bullying someone into thinking like you, acting like you, or being like you will never work.

Humans crave their own identities, and you'll be surprised how your words can destroy that.

3. Do not seek to hate, seek to educate.

If you come across someone being ignorant, racist or or generally uninformed about political, gender, body-love issues, do not attack first. I know this sounds counter-productive but please, hear me out.
Come at it from a standpoint of education. This is why a lot of people turn off to the ideas of social justice and reform. Because they feel like they're being attacked. (NOTE: racist, homophobic assholes do not deserve to be treated with respect, but in order to really change things, we have to.)
My friends get into screaming matches with jerks who only talk shit to get a reaction. Do not give them that satisfaction. Talk slowly, treat them like a fool, but educate them. Your wisdom will stick with them, trust me.
If your goal is to turn someone around, make them better and educate them, you've got to approach it like a teacher. Because ignorant assholes don't take kindly to attacks (no matter how hypocritical that is, because they attack others). Educate them, and if they still act like a dick...go for the jugular, but give the high road a chance.

4. Understand that not everyone has the same opinion, and that's life.

If you walked around thinking and acting like everyone else, this world would be a boring place. For every dumbass who makes everything horrible, there are five that make things great. You have to surround yourself with like-minded people, but also people who challenge your opinion, for whatever it's worth.
Opinions are like assholes...everyone has them. And if you're a jerk, and you act like a jerk, there will be consequences. Judgement doesn't beget change. As previously stated, education and perspective begets change. So do yourself a favor and pick your battles.

5. Realize that everyone has their own struggle, and if you judge others, you are judging yourself.

You have no idea what others are going through. I'm not saying that you have to be nice to everyone, but you can't be unnecessarily mean. Just like people don't know shit about you. I have to be blunt here, people judge me. They judge my writing. They call me a party girl, a mess. They call me fat, or a junkie or whatever...they'll call me a jerk, or a narcissist or a freak. I DO NOT CARE. I have to own it. Over time I have realized that when people judge me, they are judging themselves.
I have problems with weight, confidence...whatever, we all do. The way to fix those issues comes from within. I recognize that we all have our own battles. It is part of life.
Change comes from positivity. It comes from knowing that you have power, you're not a loser, that you mean something.
The people that give you that strength aren't haters, they're not judgmental. The strength comes from your friends, your supporters, people who really see the light.
Haters love to hate, and that will never change, but if you can overcome that hatred, you'll be happy. You'll be less judgmental, and you'll be a proponent of joy and respect rather than hate and fear. And damn it, you'll be happier too, because instead of putting shit into the universe you could be doing some good.
We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and — in spite of True Romance magazines — we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely — at least, not all the time — but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
So stop judging others and have faith. Cause we're all wandering around in the darkness together.
Check out @lizarnone's beautiful response to a similar topic here.
View more comments
@esha that is fine! But we can't ignore that it hurt a lot of people. Truth and hate do not have to be mutually exclusive, but we have to do things in a way that will motivate and help, rather than tear down and destroy! You know? ☺️
2 years ago·Reply
She got fired for it. how dare she make a video like this and she was working on a film about bullying. the director said he didn't want to be associated with such behavior and fired her.
2 years ago·Reply
i usually find that when i judge people for something, and not ôly myself, but others too, i usually find that whatever i am judging for soon becomes an issue for me, or i see it happening with someone else. for example, a girl i know was talking about another girl saying that she was a sex phene and had too much sex on her mind all the time. then not long after that, she was telling me that she was feeling like unusually aroused and wanting sex too much and how she didnt know what to do about it. so honestly, its stupid to judge people.
2 years ago·Reply
and also, when you judge, you are always on the outside looking in. you dont know that persons struggle from their point of view. you dont know what theyve been through or how they really feel. i long for a world where people can have more empathy and less judgment.
2 years ago·Reply
Yes @MelissaMae you're dead on. We often judge others for qualities we ourselves possess. It's sad...because we're trying to figure out what we need to do, and instead of focusing on ourselves...we judge others and tear them down in order to make ourselves feel better. We have to have more empathy. You're right!
2 years ago·Reply