So, uh, when I feel emotions, I write and burn the paper or I type and save it as a draft. When I get sad, I write a lot. I was looking for song lyrics that I had scribed When I came across this. It's merely a rough draft with my favorite poem attached to the bottom of it. I don't think I should expand upon it, but, I thought I'd share it!
It's crazy how it works.
You see somebody and think, "Oh, hey, she looks kinda cute."
And as a friendship blossoms and progresses and you start seeing them more, it's," Wow, she looks really great in that." or "She has a great sense of humor."
As you start talking more seriously and seeing them more often, in different stages of the day, until suddenly, you find yourself next to them at 4 A. M. While you're both tired as hell, and falling asleep, all efforts into looking good are forgotten, so hair is crazy and unbrushed, eyes are puffy, makeup is askew and smeared, any perfumes or soaps are wearing off and you're both far from your "best".
But you're staring and can't look away. You can't tear your eyes away, because you have just realized, without a doubt in your mind..,"Holy shit. She IS beautiful. THIS is exactly where I want to be."
For a while, everything is perfect. You're young and in love and everything is going great, you wake up in a great mood and fall asleep in an even better mood with her on your mind every second. You start making plans for the future, you start talking about what you desire, you make promises that you're hoping maybe this will be the time that they will be fulfilled. That you've found the one person who won't leave. "She's the one I want to be with forever. She's so perfect and I'm going to spend the rest of my life making her happy and giving her the world, or at least as much as I can. She deserves it and so much more."
A little bit later, you start drifting apart. The cute names stop being said, the "I love you"'s are no longer being said everyday by both people, it's one person saying it and the other person only saying, "I love you too.", eventually, it's just one person saying it to no response... Just saying it in hopes of getting the other person to feel your pain and hurt from knowing that you're falling apart and maybe start saying it back, pull you into a hug and look you in the eyes and tell you that they're sorry that they've been acting oddly, that they love you with their entire being.... But it never happens. Texts and calls start becoming far and few in relation to each other. Every time you're together, there seems to be a cushion between you two. There's no longer that spark in her eyes, when there's actually eye contact, there's no longer that smile, there's no longer that feeling of being wanted... They've become a stranger again and nothing you do will break their wall of indifference. That's when the pain sets in. When you realize it's over. When you're no longer good enough. When you're no longer theirs. When they've changed their mind. When all the promises mean nothing anymore. It's over....
"My whole life, I’ve dreamed of a great love. Of a love that will somehow complete me. Of a love that will reunite me with the other half of my soul. Of a love that will consume me until I’m helpless to do anything but give myself to it. I have yet to find such a love, or have it find me. At times, I wonder if that kind of love truly exists. If it’s not some fairy tale that we’re told as young children to make us think the world is a wonderful place that’s full of love and hope and fulfilled dreams. Yes, I have loved. But I have never been in love. I’ve never known anyone that made my heart skip a beat each time they uttered my name. Or cause me to lose my breath just by the sight of them walking into a room. Or make my knees grow weak by just one touch, whether it’s a sensual one or not. Or cause the world to disappear when our eyes meet across a crowded room. Or be able to communicate with just a glance or a touch. Or felt that the safest place on Earth was in the arms of the one I love. Does that kind of love really exist?
My whole life, I’ve lived around love gone wrong. I’ve been a witness to marriages being destroyed by another person. I’ve been a witness to people somehow falling out of love, and going their separate ways. I’ve been a witness to people, who once loved each other, hurt each other just out of spite. I’ve been a witness to people forgetting how to court their lovers, even when they think everything is good and there’s no need to do it anymore. I’ve been a witness to lovers who got too busy and forgot what was the most important thing in life: their love for each other. If you truly love someone, how can you let that love die without a fight?
My whole life, I’ve sat back and watched everyone else’s mistakes. And I’ve learned from them. First and foremost, she’ll be my friend. Because in bad times, our friendship will help keep us together and our love for each other will see us through it. My world won’t revolve around my lover. My lover will be my world. I won’t love her because I need her. I’ll need her because I love her. I’ll get down on my knees every day and thank any god that will listen for allowing me to share in a gift so unique that few get the opportunity to feel it. I’ll do my best to keep her happy. But when she’s not, I’ll do my best to comfort her in any way I can. She can take comfort in knowing that I will stand up beside her, not in front of or behind, in good times and in bad. And that we will get through any situation if we stick together. I’ll treat her like she’s the queen, because in my world, she will be. I’ll know when to back off and trust her if she wants to keep something secret. Because we all have secrets. I won’t forget how to romance her. I’ll surprise her with flowers, or cards, or simple little notes, telling her how much she means to me, especially when we’ve been together for awhile to keep the love strong. I’ll tell her she’s beautiful, especially when she feels she isn’t at her best. But most importantly, I’ll tell her I love her every day. And it won’t matter who says “I love you” first. Just as long as it’s said and felt. How can someone forget things like this, when to me it all seems so simple?
My whole life, I’ve dreamed of a great love. I’ve dreamed of the ability to find my tree among the forest. I’ve dreamed of the day that I’d meet my soul mate. Will my dreams ever come true? Will I be able to prove my love for her will never be destroyed? Will I look into the eyes of my lover and see my future? Who knows?"