paulisadroid
2 years ago1,000+ Views
Five Terrible First Date Ideas
I get it, man, first dates are hard. They always are. Sometimes you want to do something extravagant, sometimes you want to keep it simple, and most times you're really confused because you never thought this cutie you met at a bookstore/theater/poetry club/indie rock show/coffee shop would ever say yes to going on a date with you.
But look it, I got you covered. You can do literally anything you want on a first date except these following things.
[note: I may or may not have tried at least one of these things]

Making them Watch You Play Video Games

I do not care who you are or who you think you are about to go on a date with. No matter how you structure the night if you end it with, "hey, wanna watch me shoot fake bad guys with a fake gun", they'll probably think you're a giant loser. And this is coming from a guy who absolutely loves video games. But sharing that with a significant other? No way, dude. I'm trying to game in my underwear with headphones on the way that Batman intended it.

Gas Station Dinner

I'll admit it, sometimes a microwaved gas station burrito hits the spot. Like really hits it, you know that spot that you somehow end up having after a night of debauchery? Yeah, that spot. But whatever you do, don't take them to a gas station to enjoy the delicious treats. Because they really aren't that delicious and you aren't that broke. It'll only end up in both of you having some weird stomach worm that controls your every waking thought.

Reading Poe at Poe's Grave

Please, please, please don't do this. I don't even know who would enjoy being one of the most morbid/gothic people on the planet. Maybe you're trying to impress your person by showing them that you know literature, or something. If you're trying to read something to your potential life partner maybe you should try a menu at a French restaurant. Poe isn't that great, don't embarrass yourself.

Taking them to a Fight Club

Sure, Brad Pitt is super hot in that movie (pictured above) but I've been to actual fight clubs all around the Tri-State area and none of them are filled with hot Brad Pitt-looking dudes that'll wear goggles and rubber gloves when they ask you to stay the night. Instead, they're filled with sad, angry people who want to kick your teeth in or pretend they're as hot as Brad Pitt. Also, if it's their first time there, they'll have to fight and you don't want them to ruin the beautiful [gender neutral piece of clothing] they wore to impress you.

Taking them to a Drug Deal

So there you are, having a couple of drinks and you're like, "I want this night to go somewhere weird". So you walk out of the bar, down a couple blocks, into an alley way and find your guy, you know, Neal. And you tell him you want [general drug that is cool for youths] and everything seems like a great idea, right? Nope, you're wrong. Because your first date is a cop and you're busted. That's it. You're done. Going away for a while. I'm too young you plead, I can't go there, I just thought we were down with having a good time, you're pleading with your date. And you think, man, blind dates are terrifying for a reason. And then Neal gets taken away with you and thinks you're a rat. But you're not, of course you're not, you knew Neal since high school. And now look, you're both in handcuffs going downtown to the precinct. And when you get out after sitting in a holding cell for 24 hours, you realize you have to move away from your hometown because everyone thinks you're a snitch, and you know what they say about snitches.
Anyway! If you've got a date coming up, don't do any of those things unless you're trying to convince the person that you're insane. Trust me.
Hey, @allischaaff, I'm sure you've got some better first date ideas, right?
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THIS. IS. HILARIOUS. hahahahaha. Poor you and Neal... I'm really, really hoping none of these things ACTUALLY happened to you in real life @paulisaverage. But yes, I think I do have some advice to counter your antiadvice ;P I'll write a card about it!!
2 years ago·Reply
Oh man, I made the gas station burrito mistake. It was terrible. my date had a big ol' burrito and then we drove around for a while, doing totally legal and safe things that are definitely not frowned upon anywhere. while we were out and about, we had to pull over the car so that they could relieve themselves on a stranger's property. turned out to be a farm. I guess we kinda did the farmer a favor. still, though, we never went on another date again.
2 years ago·Reply
You know, I’m not totally sold that Going to a Fight Club is a bad first date...
2 years ago·Reply
I'm super curious which one you may or may not have tried lmfaoooo these are awful!!! @VinMcCarthy THAT IS AN ACTUAL NIGHTMARE OMG
2 years ago·Reply
@LizArnone it happened to me in college, yo. Weird times.
2 years ago·Reply
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