Let's face it, you're not going to quit smoking. Not now or any time soon. It's alright, you're in your 20s, right? The only thing you should be doing in your 20s is smoking cigarettes, drinking drinks, and meeting people you're attracted to for fun times.
Anyway, almost everyone you meet will try and convince you not to smoke. You'll die, they'll say. It's not good for you, they'll say. And you know what? They're probably right, you idiot. But it's obvious you're on the fence about it. So, here are some reasons you shouldn't quit.
[note: you should, you dumb dumb]
It Makes You Tougher
Everyone knows that once you light a cigarette you're instantly a tough person. Tough guy, tough girl, it doesn't matter. You're tough. Welcome to the club. Imagine you're walking alone in some weird fantasy forest, right? And there's some talking wolf trying to eat your grandkids or something so you have to do something before they reach your house or whatever. Just light up a smoke, stare that wolf in the face, and they'll walk away. The fact that you're still willing to kill yourself in 2015 will be the toughest fucking thing that wolf has ever seen.
It's so Classy
You know it is. There's nothing classier than walking into someone's house/restaurant on a date in your Brooks Brothers suit and lighting up Lucky Strike (it's roasted). Everyone will think you're the belle of the ball when you're walking around their house or your office talking smooth about deals you're going to make. You'll tell them that smoking cigarettes helps you think, that it gets the juices flowing. They won't say anything, not because they think you're right, because they know you're going to die soon and they don't want to upset you before then.
After a hard day making sales, wearing vests, or doing whatever it is that you do, you'll want to go home and light up a [brand of cigarette] and relax. Maybe you'll chain-smoke a couple and really take the edge off, who knows? This is the moment you spend alone. The moment you pull out that pack and smoke one for every year you wasted in this goddamn hellhole of an office. What am I doing, you say to yourself, Why am I here? you ask.
I wanted to be an artist.
I wanted to paint.
I wanted to write.
I wanted to give back.
Instead, I'll subtract, you think to yourself as you light another smoke before you go to bed.
So there you have it, Vingle Babies. Smoke your cigarettes but you probably shouldn't. Even though it's a mistake worth making, it's also one worth rectifying.
Do what you want but also don't forget to quit smoking.