It's been 8 months since my first heartbreak.
8 months since I last saw the love of my life, Zhang Yixing.
I would say I'm perfectly fine. That I couldn't be better. But that's not true. Lay was my everything. He made me feel everything and anything. But now he's gone. He's gone forever. He left me. He left me here without a second glance and as much as I want to be angry I can't. I feel this sense of hopelessness and hurt. But more importantly, I feel lost and hollow.
Because, Lay made me feel alive. And I don't feel alive. Not anymore.
"Have you ever wondered what your future might hold?" I looked up at the stars, biting my lip.
"Sometimes yes. But what's the use when you can stop thinking about the future and focusing on what's in front of you?" Lay answered, intertwining our fingers.
I nodded. "What do you see when you think about the future?"
"I don't know, what do YOU see?"
I frowned, nudging him slightly. "I'm serious. What do you see when you think about how life could be?"
Lay squeezed my hand, turning to look at me. I turned my head, looking back at him, admiring his beauty under the moonlight. His dark eyes shinning and his pink lips curved in a smile and those dimples that I couldn't help but stare at. His hair fell into his eyes as he leaned forward, making my breathing hitch.
"You (Y/N). When I look into my future, I see you."
And then he kissed me under beauty of the stars and the moon.
"Oh Lay. What am I to do without you?" I said shakily, tears falling onto the cement headstone.
Here lies Zhang Yixing, loving boyfriend, friend, son, and brother.
My body shook furiously as all the grief I had been holding in left my body in tears. All the pain, loss, ache leaving filling up my body and making me double over in sobs.
"Oh Lay, why? Why would you leave like that? I knew your depression was bad...but I honestly thought you were getting better. I should've seen...should've noticed. But I noticed too late...too goddamn late!" I screamed into the sky, pounding mercilessly on the ground.
I sobbed harder. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there baby. But now...but now I will. I'll join you up there. I will. To see your angelic smile, your beautiful mocha eyes that I adored so much...oh Xingxing. Don't you worry. We'll be together once more."
I stood up, brushing my jeans and biting my lip softly. I would finally see my baby once more.
My steps were slow as I walked out the gates, watching people laugh and smile happily. I wish I could be like that. But now my only happiness was gone and I couldn't continue. I took a deep breath, smiled up at the sky, and then lunged right in the middle of the street. The upcoming car tried to swerve but it was too late. I heard a few screams before falling into the ground, a huge pain in my head.
I was rapidly losing consciousness, the world around me blurring as the agonizing pain took over me.
"(Y/N)." I heard the all too familiar voice I hadn't heard in 8 months. A bright light blinded me momentarily, blurring my vision even more.
"Lay" I whispered. I didn't even have to look to know it was him. I felt fingers wrapping around mine, and just like that, the excruciating pain, grief, and sadness was gone, replaced by warmth. My vision sharpened and I looked into the eyes of the only person I ever loved, his loving smile making me want to cry.
"Shh." He said, reaching over and pulling me into his arms. I felt a huge sense of happiness overtake me as I hugged back.
"I missed you, (Y/N)."
"I missed you too. We can be together now."
"I know darling. I know."
"Forever." He said as we walked into the bright light together.