2 years ago
paulisadroid
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3 Surefire Ways to End Your Date Early
Okay, your date is in the bathroom. You don't like them, maybe it's their hair, their eyes, or maybe you just realize your date isn't human at all. They're a giant toad wearing a mustache and a mop on their head for hair and they're really, yes really, trying to eat you alive or something.
You have to get out of there right? Well, pretend you think they're still human and do at least one of the three following things to get that date to end early. Don't worry, they'll leave because Giant Toad things only like eating humans with a good personality.

Incessantly Talk About Yourself

You need to get the Toad to react the way that sweatshirt-man is in the gif above. Don't let them get a word in. Just talk about how great you are. Tell them about that promotion you just got and how your mom and dad are telling everyone in your family even if you don't care for those people because they never cared about you. Or tell them about how you just got a new apartment with a 4K TV and you're unsure of what 4K is but you keep talking, alright, keep talking about yourself. Don't ask any questions but if you must, then ask something like:
"Do you think this shirt looks good on me?" (provided you are wearing a shirt).

Talk About Your Ex-Partner the Whole Time

You have to tell them that story about your Ex. The way you first met outside the WaWa in December. Tell them that when you first met your Ex, it was like looking into a really bright light -- well she was wearing reflective gear 'cause she was riding a fixie, which was weird since it's December, don't tell them this part -- and how they asked you for a cigarette but you were so taken aback you dropped your pack into a puddle. Then proceed to tell them that you don't feel like that with them at dinner. Say you feel "comfortable". Then keep talking about how you miss your Ex and the way they'd bite their lip while they were thinking. After you say that part though, just grab your phone and pretend you're looking through old texts.

Lie. Lie a Lot.

And make it obvious. Say you don't like fish, then order salmon. Say you don't feel like drinking alcohol then get yourself a beer when they're in the bathroom. Just keep doing things like this until your date gets really weirded out by your lying and if they ask you why you keep lying, keep lying. Say, whaaaat? I'm not lying I'm a normal-person.
Well, there you have it, Vingle Babies. It's extremely easy to get out of a date. Just commit to one of these, or all of them, and you'll be going back home to Netflix and potato chips in no time!
@allischaaff, Miss Vingle Princess of Love, have any thoughts?
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