My first and biggest struggle was in highschool and shortly there after when I hated the way I looked and hated how over weight I was. I always got picked on because of this and it broke me so bad but then I stumbled upon the loveliness that is Kpop specifically Big Bang. There I fell in love with a man that I knew nothing about,T.O.P., but when I found out his story he motivated me so damn much that I lost weight. If he could do it so could I.
That leads me to my second obstacle of happiness. My collage years which was filled with failed loves and meaningless bedroom escapades. It was there that I found the glorious voice of Lee Hong Gi. His voice and the songs of F.T. Island made me feel so wanted, even though the songs were sometimes sad, that I forgot the pain of exs and stopped letting myself be used because I was hurt. I truly felt like he was singing to me telling me how hurt he was that I wasn't there. The most striking one being Severely.
That leads me to my most current feeling of unlove and unwantedness. I. yet again, have gone through a separation and where I'm at in my life isn't that happy but being able to see those lovely boys and knowing how much they love us even though their newer stuff is sad it makes me feel loved. It makes me feel like someone could actually want me. One boy in particular, even though I love them all, makes me feel like I'm worth something. He can be quite 'lazy' but he's so hard working like I am and he matches me so well that he makes me feel like I can do anything.
I have a new lock screen from one of my apps that sends random messages from the BTS boys and I have it on Suga. It helps me get through the days sometimes and keeps my depression at bay.