Let me start off this card by announcing that I worked at Starbucks for an embarrassing amount of time. (Read: 8 1/2 years.)
I remember when I first applied for the job. I didn't really like coffee. In fact, I thought it was pretty disgusting. I figured, hey, I could just drink passion iced tea lemonades and chai lattes all the time. I'm never going to be one of those people who drink black coffee all the time.
Boy, how wrong I was.
Since black coffee is my lifeblood now, and since September 29th is International Coffee Day, I've decided to illustrate the ritual that takes up most of my average day - the 'Coffee High' Life Cycle, which goes as follows:
Phase One: Picking your poison.
So basically, you can tell how addicted to caffeine someone is based on what they order. Let's be honest - cafe lattes and mochaccinos are for people who hate coffee. And diluting your coffee with even the tiniest splash of cream is still being a total fence walker. If you're serious about getting a buzz, only espressos, americanos, and black coffees will do.
Phase Two: Ingesting said poison.
Personally, I hate hot coffee because you need to wait for it to cool down. The best part about iced coffee is not only is it (usually) the cheapest iced drink on the menu, but you can suck it down and be well on your way to caffeine-laced euphoria.
Phase Three: Waiting for it to work.
So there's going to be a little bit of time before you get that caffeine rush you've been waiting for, and that's okay. It'll come eventually. Unless, that is, you were rude to one of the baristas and they 'accidentally' switched your coffee with some decaf. (In such case, work on your attitude and repeat steps 1 and 2.)
Phase Four: The Wake of Euphoria.
This is when you first discover your powers. Remember that time Harry Potter went to the zoo with his cousin and realized he could communicate with snakes? Yes, the first stage of a caffeine high is discovering you can speak Parseltongue. Metaphorically, of course.
Phase Five: More Awake Than Awake
Suddenly, you are the best version of yourself. You're extremely articulate, creative, and insightful, and your logic is seriously on point. When you're more awake than awake, you're pretty much invincible. Also, you can also maybe read minds.
Phase Six: The Point Of No Return
After enough time making sense, you arrive at the point where you're not making any sense at all. You're talking a mile a minute in a very obscure language only spoken by meth addicts, kids in breakfast cereal commercials, and Richard Simmons. THERE'S NO TURNING BACK!
Phase Seven: The Crash and Burn
Suddenly, you've just collapsed somewhere. Maybe it's at your work desk, on your couch, or in the library at school, but what goes up truly must come down, and the same goes for your caffeine rush. You didn't think all that awesome was REALLY going to last forever, did you?
And how do you recover from the crash and burn?
You start the cycle all over again!
So is this true? Is this you guys when you drink coffee, or is it just a me thing? Let me know how you are when you drink coffee below!
(Quickly! Before my caffeine high gives out!)