a year ago
paulisadroid
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5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Date Nick Miller
New Girl's Nick Miller is the "everyman". He's specifically written as someone that we can all relate to. It doesn't matter if you're a boy, a girl, a unicorn, or a hamster. We all, in one way or another, find him relatable. And sometimes, well, maybe often times (is "often times" a phrase? I don't know) people think he'd be the perfect guy for them.
But the truth is, he isn't. He's terrible. Over the course of four seasons, he hasn't really changed as much as any of the other characters. Coach fell in love and moved to New York (Jersey City), Winston became a cop, Schmidt is getting married, and Nick? Well he owns 10% of a bar he works in. Good job, man, you're really shattering that ceiling.
Anyway, other than the above, here are 5 reasons why you shouldn't like Nick Miller.

He's an Idiot

I don't what it is about stupid people and television but it seems like whenever we see an idiot on our screen, they immediately become a lovable goof. I don't even know what that means. Like, I've been an idiot my whole life but not once has someone attractive become attracted to me. I'm unsure of a lot of things but I am pretty sure that when someone appears goofy on television they'd probably be a dummy in real life.

He Hasn't Accomplished Anything

All he's done with his life is write half a book about zombies. A book that, essentially, is Twilight. I don't know when it became cool to only half-do things but for fans of Nick Miller, almost doing something is something to be really fond of. Listen ladies, guys, unicorns and hamsters, I have half-done almost everything in my life. Like this sente

He's a Goddamn Slob

Are you a messy garbage can of a human being? Well you're in luck, you might be desirable to an audience of millions(?). All we have to do is get you on television and show you in your natural habitat. All the people will be like, "oh want a lovely guy, what a great mess, he's so funny, lol (like, they'll say the letters L-O-L instead of actually laugh)". The truth is that you probably wouldn't want to be around a person who is constantly eating with their mouth open/with their gross hands.

He Has No Ambition

It isn't perfectly fine to watch TV all day. I don't care where you were raised or how much money you have in your Dad's bank account, spending all day in one room watching television is the saddest thing in the world. Okay, yeah, maybe I've been there before of course we all have. But that was when I was a young stupid and not a smart adultman. There are things about growing up and life that make you want to go outside and do things. It doesn't matter what things as long as it is something.

He's a Failure

He openly admits that he doesn't take care of himself. He doesn't wash his towels (neither do I, but that's not the point we're not talking about how I'm human garbage, we're talking about how a fictional character is. A fictional character who people say "Paul you're such a Nick Miller" and then I cry in that soft-shower cry kind of way because I don't want to be a giant loser). Remember that time he paid rent down to the penny? Why is that something that is endearing. Maybe for someone like me, someone who lives that actual life. But I don't understand why people who don't live that way find him so relatable. He's a homeless guy who can somehow afford to live in a loft in Los Angeles.
But at least he's honest, right? I mean, he knows that he's kind of a mess. Is that what it is? Is it the honesty? I mean, the gif above is one of the moments of the show that really hit home for me because well, that's the space I occupy for people I date. Is there something I'm missing? Will people ever find me endearing?
@allischaaff do you watch New Girl? What do you think of Nick Miller?
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4 comments
"Like this sente-" LOLLLL. @paulisaghost (An average ghost?) you really got me on that one. I love it. Also, out of boy, girl, unicorn, and hamster, I'm definitely a hamster. I do watch New Girl – I think I've seen every episode multiple times. I'm an addict, basically. And I don't wanna say it's because I kiiiinda think of myself as a goofy sexy person a la Zooey Deschanel... (ugh, it is. I hate myself. I need to get a life.) Nick Miller, for a time, was my dream babe. And after reading this card, I'm almost a little ashamed to admit that? But the thing you can say about that kid is that he's got heart. And that's probably the most important thing a person can have, hand-forks aside.
@allischaaff, he's definitely got a heart. and a big one at that. maybe i should work on getting one of those... @VinMcCarthy I HAVE FORGOTTEN. I AM SORRY SENPAI
new girl is the best...he does have heart but he also has a lot of tidbits of wisdom