I am a writer plagued by performance anxiety. Every time I write something awesome I crumble into a dark fear that my next piece will be no where near as good, obviously leading to my demise and failure as a writer. And yet, it is this stupid fear that is stoping me from truly becoming the thing I want the most, an original writer.
Which made me realize, we are all standing on the edge of "what if" and grasping for "I want" and yet, most of us are way to afraid to take the plunge.
And if you don't jump, you will forever remain just on the edge of greatness.
We fear failure more then living a mediocre life. What we want most takes work, and time, and lot of trial and error and its the error that we can not live with. We would rather pass up the good moments to avoid the bad.
That is just no way to live.
We don't want to lose ourselves. Because trying new things can lead to personal discoveries that one has never expected before and change is scary. Nothing is more terrifying then internal change; except not changing at all.
Imagine if you still behaved the way you did 5 years ago. That would put me as a freshmen in college, to distracted by parties and a boy who really didn't get me to focus on much else.
These 5 years have been good to me, and I know no one likes too look back on past pictures and memories that are sooooo cringe worthy.
So embrace the change. You need it.
And the worse excuse of all, having what we want and being ultimately happy makes us way to vulnerable to loss. Life is tricky and it can easily take back everything that we have worked for and leave us in the dirt. And that is horrifying. And it is easy to believe that it is safer to go without then to experience true happiness for only a moment.
But we have gotten so use to the wanting that we have forgotten about how amazing it would be to actually have want we wanted, even if it isn't forever.
So take the jump with me. Because I have realize that waking up to "what ifs" really isn't satisfying enough for me anymore.