before bts debuted I was still always a kpop fan, the group that introduced me to kpop was 2pm so I'll see them as my ultimate group. but since bts debut I feel I finally found a group that has changed my life and I could connect to.
so my story is...
when I was young I was abandoned by my parents. my family told me mom was known for doing abortions and having miscarriages and so of course my mom wanted to do that to me but my grandma told her "you need to have this child... you never know if you'll ever get the chance to have a child ar the rate your going.." they fought and fought but in the end my grandma won so my mom told her "fine but once she's born she's your child not mine."
so the day came when I was born and my grandparents remember as soon as my mom pushed me out the doctors ask if she wanted to hold me she said no she's not mine. my grandma told me it broke her heart because she had hoped my mom would change her mind when she had the chance to meet me... so 15 years later I finally see my mom coming around my life... at that age and now I believe she wanted back in my life is because she knew the hard part of my life is over I can take care of myself now and she doesn't have to do much. I love my mom but I don't see her as my true mother... I see my grandma as my true mother since she raised me. I have a bond with my mom but it's not as strong as it is with my grandma...
now I'm 20 ... my real father finally message on Facebook saying he wants to meet... I gave him my number and I talk to him.. but I just don't feel it, he wanted to meet me but I just couldn't, I even told him "look I'm sorry but you were never in my life my grandpa had to step up and be my father figure and do everything a father should do. so I'm sorry I don't want to talk to you, to me your just a stranger who got my mother pregnant and I became my grandparents child..." after that I've never heard from him which people who know I was talking to him ask if I feel sad I tell them no I don't.. I've gone this long with out knowing him I don't need him now, anything he can give me my grandpa can give me.. I don't need him.
(I would talk about my step dad but he's not worth a part of this... just know he's a jerk that wanted me to change who I was completely to just make him happy...)
now that my past is out there now you know my grandparents are my true parents to me..
well my grandma is from Thailand and my grandpa is 1st generation American his family is from Germany. which we do not mention because my German family is just... uhhh how do I say this nicely? a piece of shit family...
I say this because they hated my grandma and our whole family because we weren't pure blonde hair blue eyed Germans we were filthy half breeds to them.. they were so mean to use they would throw food at us call us vulgar names, and try anything to cause harm to us physically.
that aside I don't hate Germans I just don't trust them...
well my grandpa was in the air force so we moved a lot and we'll I grew up in thailand half of my life because my grandma felt safe there while grandpa was traveling so I follow a lot of traditional thai traditions.
now this is where bts comes into place... since I grew up in a traditional house, a lot of things I wanted to be when I grew up got shot down because my grandma said it was not considered real jobs. I've always wanted to be a artist because drawing, painting ect... just make me so happy. so since grandma said no I have to have a real job that makes family good money and gives us a good name. I started looking into nursing programs to make my grandma happy but... I wasn't happy.. and finally I heard bts their music truly made me feel like my dream to be a artist shouldn't be unheard so I should follow my passion and show my grandma I can do it. and the song that really got to me was their debut song no more dreams, tomorrow, and no because they are singing about just going through the typical system of making money and giving you family a good name but they went and did what they truly had passion for and now they are showing their haters and family their dreams have made them big. and just recently their song born singer has touched me as well. so that is why now I am drawing more and I'm going to start selling my art and try finding a job that will let me show my creativity. (side story.. when I was in high school my art teacher told me I shouldn't be a artist because my art sucks... and my art 2 teacher said I have a lot to work on... even though there is truly no true way to do art. but whateves.)
now don't get me wrong I still love my other groups before bts's time but they didn't hit me as hard as bts has. I still support my 2pm oppas and ect..
no matter my past I will always appreciate what my grandparents did for me, they might have made me a spoiled brat that can't take no with out having a fit but they also raised me to be respectful and showed me love that is beyond words they will did their hardest to take over the spot my mom and father emptied. even though they are making it hard for me to show them my dreams are real and they can be proud of me when I am a famous artist.
and when I am a famous I can tell people who didn't believe in me (who aren't my grandparents) that look I made it, when you told me I couldn't. and when I am saying that bts song born singer will be playing.
if you want to know more about my life that I left out (I didn't want it to be to long) and your wondering about please feel free to ask me and well I hope we can be great friends because I am being open. usually it's hard for me to share my story with anyone so if I end up telling you more it's because I feel comfortable with you :)