3 years ago1,000+ Views

Need dating advice? Don't ask me.

Because I will probably just tell you to dump 'em. It's nothing personal, I'm just terrible at dating. Like, actually very bad at that. Apparently it's a skill? I was tagged by @JonPatrickHyde in this challenge, so all I can say is: You asked for it! Here's the worst first date I've ever been on.

For starters, it wasn't really a date.

It was an Event.
Okay, it was actually a college-funded booze cruise. I'm sure you can already tell what was wrong with this picture. It was the end of the school year, and all of the graduating seniors were invited onto a boat to 'sight see'. And I am sure there were lots of interesting sights. But for the most part everyone was interested in seeing the bar.
Also for some reason we were promised a dinner, but all they had was a few plates of cocktail weenies. For a boatfull of people. The wine was unlimited and free though!

No food and free alcohol: What could go wrong?

Well. Lots of things. Combine a bunch of college students terrified of the future, a boat, and a bunch of free alcohol, and I think the consequences are fairly predictable. It wasn't like a bar, which you could leave if you decided you had enough. Swimming to shore was not an option.

There was also... a boy.

Now I want you all to know that I have very good taste. This boy was (and still is) very nice. He's mild-mannered, clever, humble, respectful... and good-looking yes. Very snazzy dresser. And I was, shall we say interested. He was pretty recently single, and I'd been single for a lot longer. And my intentions were pretty well-advertised.
He seemed interested, I hung out with him a bunch, and it seemed like things were going okay.

We were also drunk. Extremely drunk.

I cannot describe how drunk we were. Unspeakably, embarrassingly drunk.

If only.

We returned to the school, ended up on a park bench, made out for a bit. Then he left to throw up while I left my freshman year roommate a voicemail telling her that I loved her (she thought it was very funny). Boy returned, and then we made our way to a ditch.

We don't talk about what happened in the ditch.

So... I'll just leave that part up to your imagination?

It was nice while it lasted? And to this day, it's a great story. But probably not something I'd want to put on a resume. Ahem.
Truth be told, we're still good friends. We didn't really date... if you call what we did dating it only lasted for a few hours. Maybe I'm not the dating type? Unlike a lot of my peers, I'm not really looking for a life partner/someone to raise a family with. Then again, I'm not quite sure what I am looking for, if anything.

I guess I'll know it when I see it.

Thank you so much for tagging me @JonPatrickHyde ! You've got some great stories.
Well, at least you got a good story out of it! Hahaha
@danidee well if you count the boat and the ditch and getting lost on the way to the ditch... yeah I would say several hours were involved
@JonPatrickHyde that's very true... what a good way of looking at it!
See! it's all about the silver lining. I got a silly photo... you came up with a killer T-shirt saying.
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