ATTN: I AM A GHOST. THIS IS WHY. AND THIS IS WHAT I DO NOW.
It is serendipitous that there was a webcomic that existed called Pictures for Sad Children that included a ghost who had a name that matched mine (Paul). The webcomic is not why I have changed my username, although, it is a part of the reason.
[NOTE: The art below belongs to John Campbell. The art above belongs to a person that uses DeviantArt, so maybe an actual deviant. Who knows?]
The above is the abridged version of why I am a ghost now. The actual truth is a boring story. Who wants to know about the oath I made to the Sacred Ones and the Dark Ritual and the horrifying sacrifice I performed in order to take the shape of a ghost who can still type? No one, that's who.
Do not get me wrong. I am still the same me, I am still Paul, just ghostly. I can "walk" through walls, which is nice. And I don't need to use an elevator anymore. Or planes. I can travel anywhere.
But when you can travel anywhere, instantly, it gets kind of boring. The fun of traveling is the actual travel part. I think anyway. So enjoy those 18 hour flights while you can because the afterlife is more life just infinite and it becomes extremely clear in a matter of ghost-seconds that doing everything you ever wanted happens instantly and that kind of sucks.
Especially if you wanted to travel to a certain number of countries in a particular amount of time. I've seen them all in one ghost-hour (equivalent to twelve human years [equivalent to eighty-four dog years])
Sometimes. I like to haunt people. That takes up a bit of my time. No one ever really wants to talk to a ghost. Let alone know how they became a ghost. Everyone assumes it was death. For me, it was not (see above: Sacred Ones, Dark Ritual, Sacrifice, etc.). But why would any human want to listen to a ghost. I am still trying to figure this one out. In the mean time. I will haunt you at work.
I used to spend most of my time at work. But after I became a ghost, I lost my job -- people do not want to have a cold breeze taking up a cubicle -- and I can not get it back. This is okay though because I have had a lot of time to think about what I would rather be doing.
The real reason I am writing this card is because I realize now that a very lucrative job opportunity has befallen me. Since I have an infinite amount of ghost-hours in front of me, I realize that running for office will be a better way to spend my afterlife.
I think it is important that I level with you. There is nothing more important to a future politician than trust. I think my election would set a precedent for the United States of America/The Earth. Being the first ghostly apparition elected to office will help all of us (by us I mean ghosts of course, and maybe you too, I do not care). It is a necessary step that needs to be taken in order to reach our dream of ghost-equality. Some people seem to think ghosts do not exist. This is some kind of -ist but I am not sure what the exact term is. This is also very new for me.