Probably my worst date of all time was this certain night of my senior year of college. Actually, back up. It wasn't really even a "date" at all. Not officially. But it was perhaps the beginning of something wonderful... EXCEPT it totally wasn't, thanks to my stupid ex-boyfriend.
I showed up to a house party with a few friends, and while we were mingling, spotted this guy I had been into for the past few months. Let's call him Mark. Actually wait, no, that's his real name. Let's call him... Marissa. No. Megan? NO why can I not think of any boy names right now?!? Okay, whatever, too late. Let's just call him Mark I guess. He didn't go by Mark though, he went by his last name. And it was a dreamy last name. But this is the internet, so I'm not telling you what it was. But you're missing out. I'm telling you: ~*~Dreamy~*~
He was a kind a sexy brogrammer, a computer science guy with bomb-ass scruffy facial hair and a sort of muscular dad bod. So into that. Sue me.
So I see Mark across the party and casually make my way over. Which proved difficult, because this house was approaching capacity. I mean, it was really packed. I sloshed cheap beer down my arm trying to navigate through the crowd. But when I did finally arrive in Mark's vicinity, it meant we were pleasantly squished together. It made for some easy flirting. We laughed and talked and what have you, and decided we need to get some air. My plan was to manuever "air" to mean a short nighttime stroll, maybe some making out, which I would then leverage into hanging out in my apartment just a stone's throw away... all was looking pretty goddamn great for Alli that night.
Until we spotted my ex, whom I (comically, but actually) CAN'T STAND, as we were leaving the crowded party. He came down the stairs with a cute girl, whom I also secretly CAN'T STAND (because they probably slept together, and I don't love it when my exes bang people who are more attractive than I am. And this girl is pretty, blonde, AND has a great ass. I mean truly great, the kind you only get to see once in a lifetime. And I'm a brunette, so obviously, I have a blonde inferiority complex. Barbie is always the pretty one, while brown-haired galpal Theresa is the smart one).
Although I did my best to ignore him, I'm pretty sure my ex watched us leave the party together. Mark and I were walking away from the chaos and noise together when suddenly, I turned around and he wasn't behind me anymore. I looked, and saw my ex had cornered him and was talking to him rather intently.
I ran over and asked Ex-Boy who exactly he thought he was and what he was trying to do. Mark managed to mumble something about not wanting to upset anyone and then proceeded to quickly disappear. Damn it. There went my crush. Ex-Human was drunk and explained that he and Mark were friends and he shouldn't have to see that (they were acquaintances at best – they never hung out one on one, and what exactly was it that he shouldn't have to see? Us walking in the same vicinity?). Also that he was certain that I was only doing it to take some kind of sick revenge on him (AS IF).
The worst part of the whole night was that he and I proceeded to get beers and talk it out, which led to drunkenness, which led to us sleeping together. DAMMIT ALLI.
And that was... let's see... at least three months after we had officially broken up. Like, REALLY broken up. For like the fifth time. We were bad at breaking up. But if my memory serves me correctly, that was the last time we ever slept together. So go me for breaking that stupid cycle.
This boyfriend was the one who didn't love me. Not ever, I'm pretty sure. I can't imagine he really ever cared about me, though we dated for 2 years. I was constantly unhappy during that time, and I never figured out until afterwards that he was the reason. I think he was only with me because he wanted a steady source of sex – he was a horny but very lazy guy. And I'm not sure why I stuck around for that. I learned so much from it, though – now, for instance, I'm very very good at knowing when relationships are real and when they're meaningless. I've vowed to never date anyone again who isn't truly RIGHT for me – someone with whom I can picture spending my future with. And I encourage everyone to look at failed relationships in this way – not for what they took from you (like a lovely evening with Mark – although something did eventually transpire there, maybe i'll write that card next) or how they hurt you, but what they taught you.
THANK YOU to @JonPatrickHyde for starting this wonderful challenge! I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you all have fun reading :) @paulisaghost, YOU'RE NEXT. @buddyesd I heard you've been busy, but I imagine you must have a great story or two in the brain bank that i'd love to hear :) @alywoah, you also seem like somebody with great stories ;D