It's almost here, you guys! James Bond is back in Spectre and it looks like to be the best one yet! Doesn't it? I mean, have you seen the latest trailer?! Have you seen the suits, the guns, the cars, and the explosions?!
Aren't those things so awesome? Aren't they the greatest! Oh my god! I can't wait to see how Bond gets in and out and in and out of his problems this time around! You know what my favorite thing about the Bond movies is?
It's everything! I don't know how anyone could not love these! I can remember watching these movies with my Dad and how excited I'd be and how he'd be asleep in the theater TOTALLY embarrassing me! But it's okay! I swear, it's fine! You know what, though? I really wish I could watch this movie with him now! But, you know, I can't! I don't want to get into why! But I'm not a pre-teen without money anymore!
I can go watch this movie any time I want and however many times I want!
James Bond! What would I do without you?! You are the pinnacle, the saint, the God among men! With those slick suits, those good looks, that charming attitude, and those GUNS! Did I mention the GUNS! I love the GUNS (I love everything about the movies but the GUNS ARE THE BEST PART!)!
One day, I want to own a GUN! The same GUN that James Bond has! Or you know what?! Maybe a bigger GUN! I won't buy bullets, I promise! Actually! I probably will buy bullets! Just in case! I can be like the American James Bond! But not like that loser Jason Bourne! I wouldn't turn on my government like that! But I still loved the film because it was an ACTION MOVIE and my DAD AND I always watched action movies together! He would point at the screen and tell me THIS IS HOW REAL MEN PROTECT THEMSELVES. And I would nod my head and eat more popcorn. Which is why I NEED A GUN. Hey! That reminds me of something...
My Dad always said:
"There is NOTHING MORE AMERICAN THAN PROTECTING WHAT IS YOURS WITH A GUN."
And now that I have a family, I need to INVEST in a GUN! I'll make a real DIFFERENCE! I know I will. I don't live in a great neighborhood and I'm CONSTANTLY AFRAID and the ONLY way I'll FEEL BETTER is if I HAVE A GUN IN MY POCKET JUST IN CASE.