a year ago
paulisadroid
in English · 4,676 Views
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How To: Live an Unfulfilled Life
I'm at this point in my life where I've given up on the things I wanted in my late-teens/early-twenties. Any time I mention this to Real Life people (and maybe some of you Internet people will respond the same), they say that I'm depressing or sad or whatever else they want to project.
But I don't think that's the truth. I'm completely comfortable in own skin/career/life. There's something about living an unfulfilling life that is extremely pleasurable. It's less stressful and there's slim to no pressure on you to anything at all.
There are some keys to living an unfulfilling life that some people seem to forget. It's not about being lazy, or shitty, or just straight up giving up on things you once loved. It's about staying vigilant and remember why you're doing this to yourself.
The best way to remember your reasons is to stare at some body of water for any amount of time. It could be 5 minutes, it could be 5 years. It doesn't matter. Just remember that you won't amount to anything no matter how hard you try. This is a good thing.
Your parents can't be disappointed in your any more than they already are. Your friends? They'll support your decision because they're your friends and now that I know you clicked on this and read this far, they are probably just as emotionally unstable as you are.
While you're out there facing the water, its power radiating into your skull, think about your job. It's what I do. I think about where I work and how there isn't any hope to move up in the company; not out of lack of talent but because I will never be motivated enough to do more than what is asked of me.
I'll think of my co-workers. And the crooked smile I plaster on my face every morning. And how I really feel sorry for them. Stuck in some kind of fucking rat race. Not the rat race. But a version of it. I'll think about them and cry. Because their lives are ultimately meaningless, no matter how many children they have or the amount of money they make in their lifetime or the job title they ultimately die with. (On their epitaph, it will read: Here lies [insert name], their crowning achievement was their absolute blindness/need for status and positive reinforcement.)
I'll think about the way everyone wants to sleep next someone else at the end of a long day and how all that time and all that effort is wasted on something you can get on the Internet for free. I'll think about the way we are lying to ourselves about human connection and what it means because we can't get this idea out of our heads that we have to impress our partners instead of fully be ourselves with them in order to really, truly give/receive love. I'll think about my own loneliness. My single nature and how that makes me stronger than everyone who feels sad when they don't get attention from the same/opposite sex. I am not in competition for anyone or anything. And while the only word we have for this is unfulfilling, I find it freeing.
The next thing you'll want to do is write about it in a journal. Because no one will ever want to read your crazy bullshit. There is the Internet, however. The Internet has become my journal, so to speak. Because there are so many people and so many outlets and so much information that it is easy for my words and my voice to get lost in the crowd.
And ultimately, living an unfulfilling life is purposely losing yourself in the crowd. Making yourself average or a ghost. Trying your fucking hardest to stay under the radar. Hating the attention, asking for attention, then remembering why you hate it in the first place. It's about lying to your friends and co-workers and family that you are happy because you have a good job and good friends here at work.
The truth is, I am happy because I am not driven. I am happy because I am what is expected of me. I am happy because I can go to work and then go home and have at least 50 bucks in my pocket to spend on cigarettes, beer, or more cigarettes. I am happy because I am not trying. I am happy because life is easy and unfulfilling. I am happy because I am not chasing some goal or trying to reach some peak that everyone is so desperately trying to reach. To quote one of my favorite bands [Run, Forever]:

I don't want to be somebody. I just want to be okay.

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