2 years ago
quietone
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Part one
Since someone recently wondered about my life story I put a little thought in and said what the hell. Maybe itll help someone appreciate their life more or feel understood that someone else has gone through the same thing or something similar. The plan is part one is the first 12 years part 2 is the rest of my school life part three will be my life until now. Before I even start my story isnt happy and there are some graphic things. I call it learning to appreciate the little things in life. Theres alot that will probably upset you just know that Im a stronger man because of it.
Well the best place to start is the beginning like my love always reminds me. I was born August 25 1995 to a couple of morons. Im not sure exactly what happened between them before but I do know I was an accident. My parents anniversary is two weeks before my birthday literally, no joke. For the better part of my life I was well aware I was an accident they were more than happy to tell me. Even though I wasnt tickled pink to it made me feel like a mistake instead of an accident. When I was 16 my mom had the lovely balls to tell me what she did to me as a baby. Like I really needed to know. She told me at the beginning of my depression that she shook me as a baby. How did I manage to survive? Probably my nana and dad teamed up to keep me away when I cried. Another important thing for later is that I was born a girl, my original name is Elizabeth Louise Quinn. If you call me that now I get sick and ignore your ass just saying.
Most of my infant hood was spent living with my nana and that was when I always the happiest. She would get her morning coffee and me while my parents slept and we'd watch looney toons together. Beyond that my earliest memories are mostly embarrassing or scary theres only one fond one. When I was in kindergarten my teacher and I bonded over a love for raspberry zingers. Most others were me peeing my pants in class or cutting hair, there are two early memories that stick with me though. For unknown reasons to me we had parents day for kindergarten and my parents didnt go. My teacher and her assistant played that role for me and I was so grateful. The other is my mom and dad arguing in the only house we lived in (besides my nana's) My mom was out of control and throwing things at my dad I was terrified and crying. My first reaction was to call my nana and she managed to fix it. She always has a way of calming people down. Thats why I never hesitated with her I knew she was always a call away.
Another fun part of that time was when I went to work with my dad. He worked in the funeral business for a long time doing anything really. He told me how I would sit on the gurney with the body and talk to them. Then as the gases escaped their body(which is totally natural since the body is relaxed) Id yell at them to excuse themselves. My dad always laughed at my antics, he was also known for going through drive thrus in a hearse. Id ask the person if they wanted anything or offered to share what I got. The coroner loved me to apparently too seeing dead all day I bet a live kid would be a good change. That was also when we found out I could sense ghosts and wasnt afraid of them. When I was four or so my dad was picking up a body in an old building with my uncle and a friend. I was on the second floor sitting on the floor watching in a random office type room. My dad heard laughing and came to check on me he almost crapped himself. Papers were flying all over the place a chair skidded across the room the spirit even moved the damn desk. He grabbed me and hauled ass down the old elevator. Theres also a good story about me being well me in a jewish funeral. Mind you I was little and not jewish so I had no idea what was going on. My dad was transporting the body I believe and doing business. For those of you who dont know Jewish people mourn in a dark room for a week I believe praying for their loved one. They only eat water and crackers to my knowledge and since I was a curious kid I decided to wander. I made my way into the dark room and turned on the lights yellling "Why are all of you in the dark?" The rabbi practically ran over and hit the lights my dad had his eyes wide like oh god what did that kid do? Luckily no one was offended since I didnt know better. The rabbi calmly took me aside and explained to me what was going on.
The rest of my childhood was antics of me and my older cousin Anthony with our nana's neighbors. Mostly baseball or other games in that alleyway most of which were dumb like any other kids. For example my cousin shot a confetti in my neck once and he took the circuit board from a disposable camera and shocked me with it. Thinking it would be funnier I called out the neighbor and hit her in the neck with it jolting her. Looking back when we were outside that was the only time I really played with other kids. They never included me with certain things like playing video games. Theyd invite my cousin but I was always left out when we played baseball I was always catcher. Unless my cousin was there then they kissed his ass and let me bat. He and I went to the same school for a little while.
When I was in elementary all I remember is getting in trouble for stupid shit. So needless to say I spent alot of time in the hall.It was a bad area to be honest and all the kids liked to pick on me for being fat. I was usually 10-20 lbs overweight it never bothered me. I didnt let it but when they picked on my friend I got involved. A little back story I was always in the library of my first elementary school I loved it there. The librarian loved having me around I believe her name was Ms Kitner. I always dreamed of going back there and shocking the hell out of my prefirst grade teacher. She was an amazing teacher but I cant remember her name, Any who when I was in fourth grade the only friend I really had got lice. No one would go near her except me we even got into a fight because kids didnt like us. It was in the girls bathroom and a set of twins loved to bully me. One was muscle and the other was a sneak who stole shit from people. They had two friends with them and I told my friend to run which she did. No teacher ever came and I dove under the stall and locked it. The morons tried climbing over it and breaking it down I crawled under the stalls and bolted to the library and hid. Another time they decided to act like I tripped the muscle and she slammed my head into the bus window.
There was a few times I ran from the bus to my nana's house so I wouldnt have to fight them. Theyd chase me to the yard and stop, they lived across the alley if I remember. My nana saved my ass a few times from different people. Like when I punched the girl neighbor in the face and hid under the table by the door. No one ever came though but when I accidentally hit a guys bumper with a rock she told the pissed off guy no kids lived here. Looking back a majority of the time I was alone. No one ever played with me my parents didnt even want to. I remember asking them and both said no they always did so I just stopped asking. I always played alone no matter where I was save for nana's in the summer. My mom also had a tendency to hit me when she got mad. Sure it took her awhile to get there but when she did she turned into something much different. She was heartless and scary when she was mad she always went for my head. The few times she didnt go after shed hit herself in the head which I learned to do myself.
Then when I went to grammy's that was something totally different. She and I never had much in common but I learned alot there. Like how much I loved to play with matchbox cars and star wars figures. That was when I realized being a boy was more comfortable I played with dolls too but I always killed them. I also learned that I did alot to please my grandmothers I watched alot of girl movies and soap operas with her. I also went to play dominos with her sister (who I cant stand and hated going) Plus I went to her church (full of stuck up people) it ruined the whole church experience for me.
I changed schools a fair amount of times, four then I dropped out but thats for later. When I went to the second school it was full of rich kids. I was the poor ugly new kid and I had only one friend there but I was happy for her. Sometimes I wonder how she is and if shes happy she deserves to be. That school was also obsessed with sports and since I never played any for a team despite wanting to I shunned myself. Even the gym teacher hated me cause I wasnt on a team I begged my parents to let me do martial arts for years. Luckily that didnt last long I was only there a year before I switched schools again. We had issues with a rowdy neighbor I guess not really sure. So ends part one being the first 12 years of my life, I never went to birthday parties or anything. I was a loner from the start I guess haha.
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@quietone I know it's sometimes hard to put these things out there. (It is for me.) I moved around a lot because my dad was in the Army. I know @nicolejb can empathize, too. No matter what, I always felt like the outcast. Everyone has always known each other forever and here I was, "The New Kid". It sucks, yeah? It wasn't until my dad retired and took a civilian service job, still at an army base, that I ever felt like I was able to really make friends... But I had my brothers, at least. I have one biological brother but my parents also took in my two cousins - both boys - when I was 12. I consider them brothers, and my parents consider them sons. My dad was an alcoholic, so we had some really rough times in there. I guess I'm just trying to say that I understand, to a certain degree. And I'm here; I'm listening. If you ever want or need to talk, I'd be glad to listen. :) I look forward to the rest of your story.
thanks so much you two and honestly I'm willing to put myself out there unafraid because what do I really have to lose? you know and if by telling my story more people can feel like they aren't alone or can see or feel something then as a writer I can definitely say I did my job right lol
you know me I'll say anything if I feel it's necessary or if I feel like it after my life I'm fearless @TessStevens