Because beauty is pain.
1. Invest in some poison to drop in your eyes for a brighter and bigger look.
This will make them bright and starry like all of those cartoon characters and actresses you think are pretty. Belladonna was put into eye droppers and used to make eyes look bolder and more glowing in the Victorian era. The only problem? BELLADONNA IS POISON.
You may know it by the colloquial term, "Deadly Nightshade." Yeah, I think I'd rather use some white eyeliner and a dash of mascara instead.
2. Replace your mascara with Soot from your fireplace.
This has to be a joke...right? A joke? Soot is that stuff that falls off of burnt wood after you light a fire in your chimney. In Victorian times women would smash a combination of beeswax, soot and even stones / gems / rocks, whatever to achieve an accentuated lash look.
The whole shimmering gem-laden thing would be pretty glam rock. I can't imagine intentionally rubbing ashes in my eyes...but hey. To each their own right?
3. Pick up some hot, road tar and rub it on your eyebrows. That'll create a really defined look.
#browgoals right? Who wouldn't want the mysterious effect of chunky brows poisoned with the stuff you drive your horse and buggy on or whatever. It's kind of ridiculous once you realize how many neurotoxins and stuff is in asphalt and all of that chemical business.
If you're willing to do this to look good then...well...you're really something. It shows how deep our necessity for societal acceptance and beauty really runs.
4. Make sure to hide your make-up in medicine bottles so nobody knows you're wearing any.
The wealthiest of Victoria women would hide their makeup in mundane looking medicine bottle to avoid persecution for wearing it. You see, it was taboo in the Victorian era to be seen applying any sort of make-up at all. So away from home, women would hide their soot and stuff in other jars. The'd have to send other people out to get them so they weren't seen purchasing cosmetic enhancements.
Packaging is overrated anyway.
5. Consider using lead as your eyeliner. It really stays on!
Lead is now known as a highly toxic element that can kill just about anyone who accidentally ingests it or is around it too long. I don't think you'd want anything like that ANYWHERE near your eyes.
Ladies used to dip a cotton swab or cue tip into a jar filled with crushed up lead, and make use of it like eyeliner. I don't know...I like those Maybelline Kajal pencils. They've got that kohl effect without actually being poisonous to your face. Imagine that!
6. Add a dash of Arsenic to everything and you'll be youthful forever.
At least, this is what Queen Elizabeth the First believed. Arsenic was in everything. Face powder for paleness, lipstick for long wear and pretty much everything else for well...everything else. Arsenic was the base component for nearly every cosmetic available. If you were putting it on your face, it had Arsenic in it.