I've spent most of my life feeling lost. Like nothing I did mattered. Like I was kind of just in and out. I can't really think of a great metaphor but if the world was mostly ocean, I've been lost at sea. On a raft that wasn't big enough for me.
But after spending one summer watching Freaks and Geeks, I realize now that there's one moment from the show that'll always stick with me. It's when Nick is showing Lindsay his drum kit. And at first, it seems like some weird stoner bullshit but it ends up becoming a lot more than that.
The second half of what Nick (Jason Segel) says is the part that resonates with me the most. If you didn't watch the video, here's the portion of the scene I'm talking about:
Look, these teachers...these teachers want us to work, you know? And I say fine...I'll work. But you gotta let me do the kind of work that I wanna do. And for me, Lindsay, it's my- it's my drum kit, man. This my passion, you know? This is- this is the essence of who I am now. But before I had this, I was lost too. You see what I'm saying? You need to find...your reason for- for living, man. You've got to find, your big, just gigantic drum kit, you know?
And man, this still sticks with me. Especially when I find myself wondering what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. Sometimes I forget what my "reason for living" is or whatever my "big drum set" is. And it's a hard thing to nail down when you don't feel passionate about, well, anything.
I mean, sure you could argue that I'm passionate about writing on the Internet for no one to care about but that isn't even true. I'm doing it because I feel like I have to. And every time I hit add card, I don't feel like I'm achieving anything. Writing isn't my "big, gigantic, drum set". I don't know what is.
But that's kind of a good thing, I think. It means I'm still trying to find it. And I can't wait until I do. That'll probably be the best day of my life. And the scene above is a great reminder for anyone else who hasn't found their passion yet. It's out there. I'd tell you to trust me but, you know, you shouldn't trust strangers on the internet, Vingle Babies. Just have faith in yourself that you'll figure it out in time.