deactivated1447338732Dlittlejulia
2 years ago1,000+ Views
Love and Relationships : Where is the love?
I met one of my old friends last night at the bar as usual. With some clod beers, We got into girl's talk. That night, I just had to be a good listener to help her settle a complicated relationship. Directly speaking, she slept with her superior who is in a same project. OMG! I was speechless. She told me all affair and asked me a piece of advice.
I had never been like that, but you guys know, the most dangerous things in a company is sleeping with co-workers. If they were in a serious relationship, I might tell her it's a wonderful chance to get closer but there were no love.
To tell the truth, I'm pretty sure that she has care and affection to that nut. But sadly, as what she said and felt, he did not feel the slightest flicker of affection toward her. He just called her late at night after drinking. So clear! My poor girl admitted no more the things between her and him but loneliness and sexual desire were beyond her expectations at all times. She couldn't stop think of him and wait his call before she went to bed. She obviously fell into the feelings for the worse. Only this kid had a big crush on superior...
It was already spilled and I already told her everything which I could tell! Hmm... What should I do to wake her up? Which word is more successful to her? Should I support her love business(for me, It is just a playing with fire) or let her get a hold of herself?
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just be there for her... let her know you are worried that it will end with her heart being broken but only say it once and when it does fall apart, don't say "I told you so"... just support her... she will need it
2 years ago·Reply
@RobertMarsh @JonPatrickHyde that's very good advice. @Julitta1207 It's really difficult to be a good friend in situations like this, because a lot of the time it feels like you just have to watch them make a huge mistake. Yes, listening and being supportive are unfortunately the only tools you have at your disposal here. Fortunately those are really powerful tools. It's amazing what being able to vent to someone without judgement can do. And honestly, I think it's important to trust your friend, and let them figure this one out on their own. They'll come to the right conclusion if you give them the space and support to do so.
2 years ago·Reply
Wow. Ok. Absolutely the fastest way to destroy your career is to get involved with a supervisor. And in this I fault him. it's just not professional on any level. Is this guy single, in a relationship, or married. It doesn't matter. They can both be fired in pretty much any professional company. Every company I've ever worked for has a employee code of conduct. In the military they could be given a dishonorable discharge or even sentenced to jail - depending on the circumstances. As a friend it's great you care and want to help. The truth is that you can talk until you are blue in the face but until she's ready to listen it's wasted breath. Did she ask your opinion or for your advice? I ask because sometimes when people are working through a difficult situation they need to vent to a person they can trust. That doesn't mean that they necessary want you to respond. If she asked, I'd tell her that she needs to consider the circumstances of the relationship... this is a man who has either broken company rules without caring or he's a player who isn't above breaking serious rules for a conquest. either way is this someone she really wants to be in a relationship with? Does she think she can ever really trust someone like that? The best advice isn't really about telling the other person what they need to hear but leading them through conversation to the realization on their own. They have to come to the conclusion for it to mean anything. If you were not asked for your advice. Don't offer it. It's really her issue and I feel as a true friend you should tell her that you have thoughts about the situation, but you don't want to pry or insert yourself without being welcome. let her know that you are available to talk if she wants. And leave it at that. The hardest lessons in life are not without their cost; as her friend you can be supportive but it doesn't mean that you can save her from the lesson. It's her choice. it's her life. And if you involve yourself without the proper boundaries you will rob her of the experience and you may find the painful lesson becomes yours (by losing your friendship or pressuring her into a choice where she doesn't really learn anything).
2 years ago·Reply
Absolutely @ButterflyBlu, thanks for tagging me :) I agree with everything you've said. So wise :) @Julitta1207 I think you need to tell her the reality of the situation in a loving, caring, kind way like ButterflyBlu has explained. But you also can't live her life for her, and unfortunately I've seen too many friends make the same mistake again and again. I felt powerless to help them :( because unfortunately it is her decision, even if it ends in her getting hurt, badly... I've been there with the coworkers thing too Stacey, and let me tell you – BAD NEWS. It's always weird afterwards, always... I think I need to institute a similar rule for myself >.<
2 years ago·Reply
Man. That is a hard one, isn't it? You want to be a supportive friend, but you also want to be honest. So I think that's exactly what I would do. I would tell her honestly that I think it's a bad idea to continue on this path. Tell her that you're relatively positive that she was a flat out booty call and that having feelings for this guy is a bad idea. Tell her everything in a loving way. Then, if it were me, I would also say, "no matter what you decide to do here, I'm your friend and I'll be here if you need to talk." That way, she will have all the information that she NEEDS to hear, but will also know that you love and support her. Sometimes people have to play out their mistakes to the very end and that's the only way they'll learn. :/ I've made it a straight policy not to get involved sexually with someone I am currently working with. It can just be a nightmare... As a dancer, I've seen outstanding partnerships destroyed by relationships gone bad or just plain sex. :( There is just too much at stake when you get involved with a coworker...but a supervisor?! Yikes. I don't know though. I've also seen a couple of marriages start like that, but I feel like they Have to be the exception. I'm curious to hear what @allischaaff has to say here, too.
2 years ago·Reply
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