Hello, my beautiful Vingle babies. As your Princess of Lurv and someone who is NOT yet a ghost (Sorry, @paulisaghost, but you're on your own in the necrosphere), I've spent many an hour crafting a meticulous strategy for satisfying my more carnal needs. It's only natural for a body-having human – we live, we breathe, we want to sleep with things (what? I mean people. Ahem). So I thought I'd share a little more of my Lurv & Relationship journey with you. Today's episode... Princess Alli and L the Sex Bro.
Back when I was a junior in college, I met a friend of a friend named L. We were at the library when my friend introduced us – quite the benign setting, really – but I immediately felt something sizzle between us. He wants me, I noted. I've always been pretty good at picking up those signals. Call it a gift. I don't know. But we looked at each other curiously, and had an excellent conversation, and that was that.
Then, during my school's Spring Concert, we bumped into each other. Both a little buzzed, we exchanged numbers. And a few days later, he invited me over. When I arrived, his room smelled like pine. We chilled, and talked, and smoked a little. He told me about his physics and computer science coursework – did I mention he's a super smart (and equally sexy) brogramming genius? I was confused, though – didn't he invite me here because he wants to hook up? Why isn't he making a move?
We wandered into the other upstairs room to take a look at his 3D printer – and that's when it happened. We both crouched down to look at the intricacies of the little machine, and made that shy eye contact you make when your face is a little too close to someone else's, and he slowly closed the gap between our lips. It had been a little long in coming, but I realized I felt more comfortable with L than anyone else I had ever had a fling with before. I was glad we had spent all that time talking and bantering.
We went on to spend a perfectly lovely evening together. He was the best I'd ever had, by far. I fell a little in love with him that night.
But not for long. L and I became good friends. I used to think I wanted to be with him, but I know him too well for that now. Instead, we hooked up for the rest of my junior (his senior) year, well into the summer, and even a few times afterwards when we had the opportunity to visit each other.
Strangely, L is the reason I met the guy I'm into now. He introduced us one night in Brooklyn. I would have gone on to hook up with L that night, probably, as we hadn't seen each other in 2 years but still were both as horny as ever – had it not been for the strange connection I suddenly felt with my current crush. Anyway. Fun fact. I'm getting off track.
I don't think it was that first night, or even the second, but one of those chilled-out, pine-scented nights we spent together, him teaching and me learning all the ways you could make somebody feel good, he explained to me his theory on hooking up. As someone who was just opening up to and exploring her own sexuality, and all the ways it could empower you, I adopted this philosophy as my own.
It's the Theory of the Sex Bro. And after L, it's something I became quite good at. Basically, if you're looking for a casual hookup, the best sexual partners are the people that you can both crush a beer with and then go on to pound all night long. Simply put, they're friends – people you enjoy spending time with, in a very platonic sense, but also enjoy banging. For me, this began with L, but now, 4 years later, I'm still doing it – finding people I really like to hook up with. Keeping it friendly. Having a ball.
For some, I understand this might have its difficulties. A lot of my friends have asked – how do you keep from falling for these guys?
First off, it's a matter of motivation. I'm not looking for my soulmate here. I mean, I am, but when I meet someone I'm enormously attracted to for dating purposes, I don't sleep with them. I take it slow, giving a relationship time to develop between us without the forced intimacy of sex. When I'm doing my sex bro thang, I find guys I love to chill with, but don't love.
Secondly, it's not sex bro. It's bros. I know my mom and little sister and probably a million other people in the world judge me for this, but hey – works for me. When I feel myself catching feelings, or starting to feel jealous when the guy hangs with another girl, I back off and go hang out with somebody else. The distraction keeps me from focusing too much energy on one guy.
This system has one enormous benefit – I make a very good single person. I'm blissful when I'm single. All the needs that make people rush into relationships before they really know what they're getting into are filled – the need for attention, for intimacy, for the human touch, for sex. It keeps me feeling healthy and happy.
Of course, I do wonder sometimes how my Sex Bro lifestyle has reshaped my psyche. Has it affected how I'll approach relationships in the future? I hope not. But everything we do has a consequence on our brain's wiring. Sometimes I'm afraid that after doing casual for so long, I won't know how to deal with monogamy. I'll have to relearn a different pattern of thinking. But for the right person, no matter how difficult that is, it'll be worth it.
I really hope you guys enjoy this story as much as the last one (That One Time My Ex Ruined Everything!)!! It hopefully gives a little more insight into how I think. When somebody gives you advice, it's always good to know where they're personally coming from :)
I look forward to hearing what you all think!! :D
xoxo Princess of Lurv