Michael Scott from The Office might be described as an idiot, a jerk, self-centered, etc. All of those things are true but you know what he's hardly described as and deserves to be? Life Coach.
That's right. Michael Scott is a life coach and he can be yours too. I keep thinking of ways to explain this to you but I'll let him give you a little lesson in life.
Eat What You Want When You Want
This is important because I'm tired of hearing that people should eat this or be on that diet or that I should stop eating that out of the trash because it's still trash, Paul. I can eat what I want, whenever I want because I'm an adult and sometimes eating things makes you feel better. And all I ever want to do is feel better than I currently do at any given moment.
Be the Most Lovable Person it Scares Other People
I'm not the most open person. I wasn't raised that way. I was raised outside, in a pond for most my life until my parents came and picked me up out of the swamps to parade around this earth like a real boy. And you know what I learned? It's really hard to get people to love you when you're a Swamp Thing. But I'm going to keep trying, I promise you that. I'm going to make these people love me until it hurts. Or else Swamp Thing stuff will start happening.
Know How to Improvise
Here's a fun little fact about me: I don't know what I'm doing at any moment during any time of day. I don't think about those things. I stay loose, I improvise, I work with what I got. I have some problems, yeah, but also I'm ready for anything. And that's what's important. Trust me, or trust Michael Scott. You've just got to be ready for whatever whenever it may or may not happen and planning out your whole day will ruin this.
Sure, I was pulled out of a gross pond and then dressed up like a human. Who cares? I'm still going to be the best human I could ever be. And you know what? I ain't scared. Confidence is important. It can help every part of your life. Tough time at work? Be confident. Hard time at home with the pup? Be confident. The girl you have a crush on doesn't want to talk to you because she caught you eating a whole pizza pie outside school during study hall and that's just super fucking weird Paul what is wrong with you that's too much pizza for one person oh my god you're eating a second one stop please stop? Be confident.
There are moments in my life where I feel like everything is crumbling around me. I'll look around at the people that surround me and they'll shoot me a quick smile, they'll say that things will be okay. But you know what? My brain doesn't allow me to believe that I'll be okay. I wake up everyday thinking of different ways to make everything easier. To take the pain away, to forget, to move forward. And sometimes that stress, that weight, it gets so fucking heavy I don't want to. It feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I just want to fucking give up because what's the fucking point to all this.
And yeah okay, I made a bunch of jokes about being a ghost or average or a swamp thing but you know what, sometimes my weird sense of humor isn't enough to want to keep walking forward and hoping for the best and needed another day. I'm not going to fuck around anymore. This shit is hard. It's not fun. It sucks. I constantly want to fling my fist through a brick wall until my hand is a mangled mess of meat and bone and flesh. I want to physically feel what I emotionally feel every morning.
But then I get home and watch this dumb goddamn show The Office and Michael Scott (easily the worst character on the show, he sucks) says to never, ever, ever, give up to Jim. And I felt like I was supposed to hear that. And I feel like I shouldn't fucking quit on myself. That it's stupid to give up the same way some of my friends have given up. I just have to keep pushing. Paul, you just have to keep pushing. Please. Just keep pushing.
See, look at that. We could all learn about ourselves with good ol' Michael Scott in our corner. Sometimes it takes a self-centered, idiot, who is also a jerk to make you look at yourself in a different light.