It's Fall, and officially that time of year where everyone somehow has collectively decided to do something new with their hair. Maybe they want to try out a new color or a completely different cut. Even your guy friends are growing beards, parting their hair differently, or going in for a fade.
Since this is something we're ALL probably going to be doing within the next few weeks, I figured I'd make a card about the life cycle of a haircut - you know, that cycle we ALL go through.
Step 1: You're Basically Chewbacca.
So the hazy fog of summer parties has officially lifted from you, and you're back to full consciousness - only to realize you've somehow let yourself devolve into a hairy animal.
Step 2: The Great Debate
Is it really time for a haircut? What if you just style it differently? That will spare you from any real decision-making for a while, right? Wrong. It is time to face facts and consider a new 'do.
Step 3: The Hunt For Inspiration
Now that you've accepted it's time for a haircut, you start digging through tabloid mags and beauty blogs to find a reference style you love. (Okay, you don't look like Selena Gomez, but certainly, you can still rock her bob, right?)
Step 4: Scouring For Recommendations
Oh god. Your last hairdresser was horrible. And the closest salon to you is far too expensive. Where the hell does a person go for a cut these days? This is the stage where you nag all your friends and spent hours digging through Yelp reviews and Groupons.
Step 5: Finally Making The Call
How is it that no matter how old we get, it's still incredibly uncomfortable booking appointments over the phone? How were our parents so good at that? I mean, seriously.
Step 6: Waiting For Your Appointment
This is the part where you're part-nervous, part-excited. You're going to come out of that salon looking like a whole new person! But what if they mess up? Crap, don't mess up.
Step 7: Meeting Your Hairdresser
Some artsy-looking guy with an asymmetrical haircut takes a look at your reference photo and says "Yeah, I can do that." And then he continues with the list of other things he wants to add. You don't know what 'a-line', 'fringe', or 'face-framing' mean, but you agree anyway.
Step 8: WHERE DID ALL YOUR HAIR GO?
OH GOD. WHERE DID IT ALL GO? ARE YOU SURE HE ONLY TOOK OFF THREE INCHES AND NOT A FOOT? I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY OF THIS ON SELENA GOMEZ.
Step 9: Pretending You Love Your New Haircut
This is the part that I refer to as the 'Train of Lies'. You tell your hairdresser your hair looks 'great' when it's not. Your friends tell you your hair looks 'great' when it's not. Everyone tries to move past this experience with as little emotional pain as possible. Because it cost $60.
Step 10: Acceptance
A couple weeks later, you're finally comfortable. It's reached a length that doesn't make you feel 'hair naked', and that 'great' you felt about your haircut actually becomes a little genuine. (That is, until you let it grow too long - which is when the hair life cycle begins again!)