Are you one of the millions of twenty-somethings that live in an apartment? Maybe you're still a college student and living in a dorm on campus or spending summer camp on the bottom bunk? Well, chances are you've dealt with them - the ominous Upstairs Neighbor.
This specimen, known for its abnormal loudness, is far more common than you think. Curious to know more about them? I'm here to teach you all about the stranger behind the sounds - some 100% true (sort of) scientific facts.
The Upstairs Neighbor loves to bowl - particularly in the living room so expertly built right over your bedroom.
The Upstairs Neighbor can be identified by their footwear - usually made out of cinderblock, cement, or chunks of asphalt.
When bowling gets dull, the Upstairs Neighbor loves dragging furniture across the floor. It's just a great upper body workout.
And when entertaining guests, the average Upstairs Neighbor's conversation goes a little something like this.
Cue to three hours later when the Upstairs Neighbor promptly murders their guest with a rusty hatchet.
This is when the Upstairs Neighbor celebrates by dancing to their favorite 3 AM disco song.
If they have a dog, Rover just might join in too - but only after barking for a good half hour.
So you call the cops, but it turns out they appreciate a good 'buttcrack of dawn' dance party too.
Eventually, everyone passes out. Even your Upstairs Neighbor.
But don't worry. Without fail, they'll be at it again the next day - just as you're getting home from the office.
I hope you learned a lot about the person who lives upstairs. If this sounds like YOUR upstairs neighbor, I'd love to know!