The covert and malignant narcissist in some ways is the worst kind. He is more manipulative because his ability to hurt you depends on his ability to manipulate your emotions and thoughts. He is not likely to become physically violent, but dont let that fool you into thinking that he's not that bad. In his heart, he is just as bad as a man who will beat a woman to death. In fact, when you reach the stage of devaltion, he wouldnt mind standing there and letting you commit suicide right in front of him if he is sure that he is done feeding on your soul. Another thing that makes him the worst kind to deal with is that he can drive you to the edge insanity while he himself appears completely normal to others. He loves this because his perfect good guy image depends on it and he knows that you will be even more hurt when you see that you are the one who looks crazy. He may also tell others that hes worried about you and that you need some professional help. which may be true, but they dont know that he has made you this way. Some of his favorite forms of abuse are the silent treatment, coersion, devaluation, discard, triangulation, giving attention to other women, flirting and, cheating. The Silent Treatment The silent treatment is a very brutal and cruel form of abuse, because it is intentional deprivation of a very basic need when it comes to love. It can last for days, weeks or even months. When you love someone, you need attention, communication, kindness and acceptance. You need the one you love to bond with you. When you get the silent treatment, you feel a painful separation, distance and rejection from the one you love. This creates the exact same reaction in the brain as physical pain. In other words, it hurts and in some cases can even produce physical symptems. It is done intentionally, without the slightest stroke of conscience about what he is doing to the one who loves him and whom he also said he loved, and it is abuse. Another reason that the silent treatment causes so much emotional pain and sorrow is because the victim knows that the one they love wants them to feel his cruelty and be hurt by it. Just knowing that, in itself, is very hurtful and causes much sorrow. The victim longs for some kindness but never gets anything but a stone cold, cruel responce of silence, or something worse, coersion. Coersion Coersion is punishing the victim to try to convince them to do something they dont want to do for whatever reason, often because it is something that is degrading to them or requires them to go against some moral or religious value or any number of valid reasons. But there is no valid reason to say no to a narcissist, in his mind. And the silent treatment is often used in an attempt to break the victim down so that they will submit to the narcissists will. Sometimes he may only break silence to say something like, "do you agree?" In my case, i was told that i would have to perform sexual acts on skype if i ever wanted him to break silence. This was his way of not only trying to get me to agree but also to remind me that i was of no worth as a human being. I was only a sex toy for him and i was otherwise, worthless. None of my feelings during all of this were worthy to be considered at all. Devaluation Devaluation is when the narcissist makes you feel as worthless, insignificant and unloved as he possibly can. I have mentioned this as a separate thing though it isnt a separate thing but i wanted to emphasise the whole reason that any narcissist abuses his victim is because he has a deeply seeded resentment for them and needs to make them feel that they are truly worthless, unlouved and forgotten. Which leads me to the next form of abuse, discard. The Discard Phase The discard phase is very painful and can cause long term greif and a feeling that a big part of you has been murdered. The sense of loss is deep. it is a hit and run. He runs over your heart and disappears into the night. Again, just like the silent treatment, you feel his cruelty. You feel like a toy that has been broken and thrown back into the toy box, alone, abused and forgotten by the one you loved. Often the narcissist will leave without a word and without warning. He will simply pretend that you do not exist. You are left with the memories of the person that you used to love and who once made you feel that he loved you. You are left with the memories of his abuse and you have to let him go knowing that he doesnt even care and has already moved on to someone else, and make no mistake, he means for you to feel every bit of that. I will tell about the other forms of abuse in a future post. Have you had an experience with a narcissist?