So we've shared our horrible dates, our most embarrassing moments, and the weird ways we've injured ourselves. But we have yet to share our first crushes. Everyone remembers their first crush, but no one really gets the opportunity to confess, so I decided to make a card telling you five things I remember about my first crush, David Anthony.
Meet Little Kid Me. (On the right, obviously. The other one is my cousin Renee, who has successfully maintained being the most popular girl in every room since pretty much birth.)
Little Kid Me was always kind of a weirdo. She was the Cootie Queen of her class. She wore her dad's thick-lens glasses to school and tried to convince her teacher she woke up that day with unexpected and critically impaired vision. She smacked kids on the back and went 'ALLAH! ALLAH! ALLAH!' when they sneezed because that's what her Arabic grandmother did. She also had a huge crush on David Anthony.
David Anthony was the first one on every roll call sheet.
David Anthony was first on the attendance list, which meant every day when her teacher took roll, Little Kid Me was able to start her day by looking over to see him sitting in his chair, hand raised. He was blonde with rosy cheeks, had some light freckles and two first names as his whole entire name. (Which is about as cool as you can get, namewise.)
David Anthony and I had the same birthday week.
David's birthday was January 16th and I was January 15th, which meant that our moms would both send us off with 'celebration desserts' to share with our classmates. His mom would send him off with cupcakes. My mom was a nutritionist, so I got stuck sharing the most anticlimactic dessert of all time - the Rice Krispy treat (only 150 calories!). David - 1, Me - 0.
David Anthony's family came to America on the Mayflower.
Every time I meet someone who can trace their family back to the pilgrims, I feel like I'm meeting a time traveler and I can't help but picture how they might look in a brown hat and buckle shoes. David Anthony is more American than any of us, you guys. Especially you, @ChriSingularis, my favorite American on Vingle.
David Anthony wore a new striped polo t-shirt every day.
Whenever I recall David Anthony in my brain, he's wearing a striped polo t-shirt. That was pretty much all he wore. I feel like his mom probably works in the polo t-shirt industry. Either that or a member of his family was tragically killed by the notorious Graphic Shirt Mafia, and his parents vowed to never let their son go out in a crew neck ever again in his entire life.
David Anthony was one of the smartest kids in class.
Every guy I have ever had a crush in life was freakishly intelligent. I'm the one making heart-eyes at the valedictorian, the school newspaper's editor-in-chief, and that student teacher who went to Princeton on a full-ride. David Anthony was no different. In 4th grade, he was moved from our school to a special academy for gifted students. I was heartbroken.
In hindsight, I probably wouldn't like David Anthony right now. I kind of grew out of my preppy phase pretty quickly. Plus, super brainy guys tend to be SUPER arrogant, right?
I hope you enjoyed my embarrassing childhood memory. (And if you know David Anthony, don't tell him I told you, okay?)