The first crush I remember was a girl named Vanessa (not related with the famous vanny) I was in eighth grade when I met her. For some dumbass reason I wanted to join volleyball (probably to fail at impressing my mom) I didnt make the team God only knows why. So I settled for manager for the team which means I screw around and help out the team. A lot of times I was comic relief to an otherwise stressful practice or game. I must admit this was around the time I found out I liked girls. Gee I wonder why being surrounded by pretty girls all day haha. Anyway when I watched them all laugh at me when I was being funny one always stood out. Vanessa, she was gorgeous tall, long messy dark brown hair, sparkling brown eyes, nice smile. She was genuine which was a miracle at that school she was a junior and I didnt know what I was feeling towards her. So I did what any logical person would I got close to her and became her friend. It was nice talking to her even though she barely understood me. Id put up a picture of us but I was a girl then and thats a giant no no haha. I went to a costume dance and she was there as Athena (very fitting). Anywho when that ended I found myself missing her. Until I got to high school that is and her locker was right by my last class. I was such a dumbass I would stand at her locker just to talk to her for a minute and haul ass to my bus. Every time I saw her I had a giant smile on my face and she always smiled back. To me that was heaven just getting to look at her everyday sometimes when I had band Id get to walk with her some. She had a nickname for me that I loved so much. Thinking back she probably knew I had the biggest crush on her. One time I was on stage crew and she went to the musical. I cant tell you how happy I was just to see her there. All I wanted to do was talk to her the whole time and when I was supposed to be working the spot I would stare at her. The director already hated me might as well give her a reason. After I was able to sneak over and hug her I loved to do that but I sometimes imagined what it would be like to kiss her. You have no idea how bad I wanted to but I was afraid to ruin what I had. Which I often question as what because my only regret I didnt just go for it. Like one of the hundreds of times by her locker just lean in and kiss her then spill my feelings. Then again who knows what she wouldve done and one day it was too late. She graduated and I had to say goodbye to her that was horrible. Over the summer I told her on facebook I liked her and she just said that she liked me as a friend. I was so terrified that she would hate me but I knew I had to tell her. We still talk sometimes but I havent seen her in person for a long time. That was definitely an interesting first love and I sometimes miss her but she was the start of a long line of crazy girls. That eventually led to the right one who happened to share the same first name.