In celebration of Back to the Future Day, Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd were on Jimmy Kimmel Live as their iconic characters, Marty McFly and Doc Brown, respectively. And while I enjoyed this little bit of fan service to a franchise that I grew up loving and watching on repeat, I realized something terrible; watching your heroes grow old fucking sucks.
I don't even really remember most of the jokes or things that Doc and Marty were talking about while they interrupted Jimmy Kimmel's monologue. All I thought about was how young and lively these people were in my head. The idea I had of these people wasn't the one that was currently being presented to me.
It made me feel weird. Sad, even. If there's a word for the way I felt while watching that clip then I don't know it. I'm not sure if I was feeling nostalgia either because these weren't the characters I grew up knowing and loving. They were older, beaten down versions of themselves.
It made me think of all the people in my life. The ones who mean the most to me. The ones who are becoming the older, beaten down versions of themselves.
I thought about my Dad, his surgery, and the way he won't admit that he needs help as he gets older. I thought about my Mom, the way she limps around the house, and how she hides the pain in her hips when she's in public.
And I started to think about myself and the way that I'm going to get older and get beaten down by the world around me. I imagined my nephews in the position I'm in now. Dealing with age and seeing me deteriorate into someone they hardly knew.
Honestly, I started to feel a little scared. Thinking about the futility of life and how we all head towards an inevitable end just, well, sucks. I'm just saying it's a bummer, man. I don't want to worry about getting old but every day my broken ex-skateboarder body aches and creaks at every flight of stairs I walk up or down.
But after spending some time thinking about all of it, I realized that I can't really go around thinking about how it's all going to end at some point. Of course it is, everything ends. And that's alright, I guess. I decided that I have to approach everyday not like it's my last but like it's my first. Like everything is still open to me. No matter how bad my knees hurt, or how it hurts to speak because of my constant sore throat. I'll keep pushing. Even if my body doesn't want to.
I'll make my future an interesting one.