3 years ago5,000+ Views
Let me guess. You're bored at work. And Jim -- you hate Jim -- won't stop asking you about that report he wants you to hand deliver to him even though you've told him -- multiple times -- that you left it on his goddamn desk. I know you, I am you and I know exactly what you want to do. You want to just look at dumb things on the Internet until the day is over and you can drown your sorrows at a bar and hope that all the alcohol will make you forget that your life is a fucking joke.
Well, I've got it. I've got just the thing for you nerdy/video game playing person. It's called The Strange Log. And I know I don't need to explain to you what a changelog is, since you already know it's a document a game developer will publish to let you know what they changed after they updated the game, so I'll just explain to you the premise of The Strange Log.
They take little bits from random changelogs and tweet them out, without context. And they're hilarious, dark, and mostly extremely confusing. They're funny in that "God-fucking-damn-it Jim get off my fucking back before I rip you to shreds, the fucking report is on your desk" way.
Anyway, here are some of my favorites:

Well, isn't that always the case, Strange Log?

If only I had this button stapled to my chest. Then I'd be happy.

I really liked the sounds, though. Dead song birds sing so beautifully.

Now that I know the exchange rate, I feel like I shouldn't have traded in those ducks for a pig.

That doesn't sound like anything new. That sounds like the last 25 years of my life.

No it doesn't. I can cry right now if I want to. I am pretty sad though. So maybe I have the required amount of sadness. Dear God. What is wrong with me.

Added new fun activity: Die slow, sad death thinking walking is fun.

Okay, so I'm unsure if this is something that needed to be added because this is already a job. This is already my job. I work and I work and I work and Jim, fucking Jim. Jim just gets on my case. And he thinks we're friends, you know? We're not fucking friends, Jim (I hope you're reading this, you prick).
Every goddamn night, I lay in bed after watching a couple of episodes of Friends on Netflix and then I wonder if this what I spent years in college for. I'm spend every night the same way. I lay in bed alone, always alone, thinking about my life and how I'm reaching my thirties and I'm already living the same day over and over and over again. I look around me and wonder how people do it. Don't they think they should be doing something different.
I guess that's what life is right? You fill it up with meaningless bullshit, like Twitter accounts and video games and movies and the Internet until you die. And maybe you'll be lucky enough to find someone to spend your life with. And they'll help you forget that you're just going to die at the end of all of this. Unless they die before you. Then you're stuck with that lonely feeling again, the one I have every night when I go to sleep. And...
"Jesus fucking Christ, Jim, the report is on your goddamn desk. If you weren't so fucking busy cheating on your wife with the receptionist maybe you would've noticed it you prick."
this is honestly the best thing I have read all day!!! thank you oh my god. fucking Jim
This is so perfect. Feel bad for those ducks though, being worth 1/5th of a pig and all that.
god, I hate jim so much.