I did a card before on how Buzz Lightyear's role in Toy Story part one relates to narcissism. This time i will be explaining how Woody, Andy, and Sid's roles in the movie relate to narcissistic abuse. The first thing that i want to point out is the fact that a narcissist does not view other people as human beings with souls. To the narcissist, people are just things, or like toys. He is childish and selfish in the way he relates to other people more so than any normal person ever could be. So how does it all start with the narcissist? The Idealization Phase Well, look at the picture above of Andy playing with woody. That's how it starts. You are his favorite toy in the box. In the beggining, he only wants to play with you. He idealizes you making you feel like you are the best thing that ever happened to him and he wants you and only you. He makes out like he's as far as you'll ever need to look and he is going to be your happily ever after. You feel so special and loved and ready to take the relationship to the next level. So you find that not only is he a charming and handsome man who wants to be with you, but also is a great friend who is very helpful, caring and kind. Or you may find that he really needs an intimate friend and he is reaching out to you for love and acceptance from some place deep within. He touches your heart and arrouses your nurturing and caring nature so strongly. But all of this is a trap. It is his way of getting you so emotionally attached that when the time comes to detach, you literally can't. It is his way of putting you right where he wants you, and you will soon find that it isn't a good place to be.
The Devaluation Phase Soon you begin to dread that something isn't right. It could happen slowly, or it could happen very suddenly. But eventually, the narcissists mask comes off. Your prince charming who made you feel so many special feelings is really a Sid, an abuser of toys!
This realization is very traumatic! You realize that you are in a very vulnerable position and you are hurting in a way that you could never have imagined at the hands of a ruthless, cruel monster with no conscience and no mercy. How can this be? It seems impossible that the one who arroused such special and beautiful feelings and made you feel so safe could be the monster that you see before you. Your mind cannot conceive of it. So you try to rationalize it. You tell yourself that he is just deeply troubled and he's just acting out. You tell yourself that he just needs more understanding and patience to get through whatever he is going through. You believe that there must be a way to save the relationship because it means so much to you. How can you just walk away? You are trying to think rationally not realizing in all your pain and despair that your thoughts are anything but rational. You may even come to accept him as he is, believing that deep down, he really needs it You may grow to be so strong, kind and full of forgivness sensing that he is still crying out for love. Or have compassion believing that something in him is broken and he cant change. As he enjoys and feeds on your unconditional love and compassion, he will create the illusion that he is getting better and maybe you are reaching him in some unseen and unspoken way. He will supply false hope. He will drop little bread crumbs just to keep you holding on so you don't get too tired of his bullshit, pick up the peices of your shattered heart and leave. The Discard Phase You think that the relationship has a chance. You feel like you are reaching him. Then, BOOM! You are suddenly discarded like an old, out dated broken down toy that is of no use to him anymore. This is done without even the slightest hint of empathy as if he doesn't know that you have a soul. He's just like Andy! Except Andy is innocent. Andy really didn't know that he would hurt Woody's feelings when he stopped playing with him and started playing with Buzz. But the narcissist knows that you have feelings and often the discard is intended to hurt you. The discard phase is the covert narcissists favorite form of abuse. It is his way of showing the victim that he never felt anything, never cared, you were played with and discarded like you never mattered at all. His rejection is so painful, you may even try to get him to come back so that you will not feel the pain of his rejection anymore. But he will not even talk to you. He will not acknowledge your existance. He is hard as a rock. When he is done with you, you no longer exist. It doesn't matter what you went through for him, the kindness and love that you showed him, the tears you cried or the prayers that you said, nothing matters. It is like none of it ever happened. The narcissist will be this way even after years of marriage. He will simply just walk away and go play with his new toy, just like that. And there you are trying to get him back because the sense of loss is so traumatic and the rejection is so painful that you don't know what else to do. But you are reaching out to someone who has no soul.
Finally, you see the truth, after all that you've been through with him, the cold hard truth stares you in the face and it is laughing at you in the middle of your despair. You watch the one you loved move on like you never existed. But it doesn't end there. No! There's more. You haven't been traumatized enough, you haven't been punished bad enough. You are still breathing. So yes, there is more. Triangulation!
What is trangulation? Trangulation is when the narcissist who has just discarded you like you never mattered and left you in a state of brokeness, desperation and despair begins to use his new source of supply (an admirer), to make you jealous. He makes it a point to give her special attention while you watch helplessly. He gives her all the attention he's been witholding from you intentionally to punish you. At this point, many women like myself literally SNAP! HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN ABUSED, DISCARDED AND BEEN MADE THE VICTIM OF TRIANGULATION BY A NARCISSIST!
YEAH!! THIS IS PRETTY MUCH WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE! I could tell you what i did after that but I'll save that for another time. So that is how Toy Story relates to narcissistic abuse. Please note that a narcissist can be a male or a female. But I say he and him because my experience was with a man.