I think I've made it pretty clear how some of the Belcher children can help improve your life. Tina can teach you how to appreciate yourself and Gene can teach you how to be a better person to those around you but... What about Louise?
What can Louise teach us about ourselves? She can teach us, probably, the most important thing about life, she can teach us how to be a better leader. That's right. Leader. Have you watched the show? No? Then what are you doing here? Oh, come on, I'm not that great of a writer. Oh, shut up -- no don't really, keep telling me. Oh, no way, you're nice to say that but I'm just an average ghost-writer -- seriously, keep telling me how great I am.
Louise, even though she's the middle child, is the leader of the children. Even when she's not the main focus of the episode, she's taking control. She knows how to lead and here are 5 ways she'll teach you how to lead like a proper lead-person.
1. Always Contribute to the Team
As a leader, it's important to put the needs of the team before needs of yourself. So what if that's your last can of soda in the fridge? Your team needs it. What? You want to keep that nice felt-tip pen to yourself? Well, how's the squad supposed to write down their goals (that's what #squadgoals means right?)? Give it up. Hold on, hold on, are you saying you don't want to give up that kidney? You know you have two, right? Wow, I didn't think you were that selfish.
Yeah, Bill, they said you can't have their kidney. I know, I know, terrible leadership. Geez. I'm sorry man. Hopefully a real leader will come along and save your life.
Don't kill Bill, take care of your team before you take care of yourself.
2. Remember to Stay Focused
Oh okay, fine, I get it. Everyone has feelings. Everyone gets feelings for someone. But you know where that gets you? NO WHERE. Cut that shit out. You like that boy/girl? Well they don't like you! Keep your eye on the prize buddy, pal, friend, sir, and/or mam! Listen here, I know what it's like. To look across the room at someone and believe that they're the one. But how the HELL DO YOU EXPECT TO BE A GOOD LEADER if you're only worried about one person?
Exactly, you don't. You do not like that boy/girl! Repeat after me! You do not like that boy/girl! The only thing you like and will fall in love with is the team. It's always the team! DO IT FOR THE TEAM.
3. Honesty is Your Only Policy
Lying won't help anyone. Hasn't your mother told you that? Okay, yeah I know, when your hamster asks if that ball makes them look like a bloated fish, you've got to lie. I know that feeling more than anyone -- since I'm a guy that knows a lot of hamsters and they absolutely hate being compared to fish. But with your team, you've got to tell 'em the truth.
Look at Brandon in the eyes and say, "Brandon, you smell like a rotten foot. Go hit the showers before you come back to work". Look at Alicia and tell her, "I don't know what you were thinking but you should've gotten a hamster instead of a gerbil. Yes there's a difference, now get out of my office".
It's as easy as that. Never forget. Don't lie (unless you're talking to a hamster).
4. Help Others with Your Personal Experiences
As a leader of men/women/dogs/cats you've gained a lot of experience. And not any old experience. You've gained some real-deal-man-of-steel type of experience. You know who could benefit from your stories? Your goddamn team. Have you been paying attention? Come on.
Listen, as your personal leader right now in this moment let me give you an example from my life. There was this one time I was out jogging with some ghost-buddies (yes we jog) and we ran into some wannabe-ghostbusters. Knowing that I have a pact in place for the Real Life Ghostbusters these wannabes just wanted to be all up in our business. So you know what I did? I set them straight. I SET THEM STRAIGHT, READER.
How does that apply to you? SET YOUR TEAM STRAIGHT. GEEZ DO YOU EVEN LISTEN TO ME.
5. Know When to Shut Someone Up
Maybe you're leading your team, right? And someone in your group-club-team meeting keeps talking about their new hairclip. Hairclip? you think to yourself. Well who cares about a hairclip? It's not Hairclip Tuesday. They should know that all hairclip related matters happen on Tuesdays, oh gosh they're still talking. So you just give them a swift punch to the stomach.
That'll shut them up. Or if physical violence isn't your thing (which it should be) then maybe just the mental equivalent of a gut punch. Say something like, "Tim, I know you're wearing new shoes but I got them last week while you were out sick and no one cares about your red Keds", or something else like, "Rachel, that new haircut looks great on you. But it isn't Haircut Monday, so shut. the. fuck. up."
There you have it. If you follow these easy, really easy steps you'll be a better leader. And you'll have the freedom to jump around to your favorite music in your corner office with that beautiful view of the city. Isn't it amazing?
You've come so far, my darling. You made it. You're a Corporate Ghost now. Welcome to the club. GhostCorp is your new home. Take this in stride. You are more important now than you have ever been. And if you work your life out right, you'll be even better tomorrow.
The important part of any team isn't the team. It's the leader. It's the leader who corrals a bunch of idiots into doing things that make them look better. Remember that. Now go, darling, go corral some idiots to do your bidding.