a year ago
Anonym
in English · 8,002 Views
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Why You Don't Need Any Friends

Drake was right dude, no new friends.

Friends suck up all your time.

You always have to cater to their wishes. Go here, do this, do that. My birthday. Wah wah wah. BYE. I'd rather watch Dawson's Creek and cry than go to another God damn birthday party.
It's exhausting 'being there for everyone' right?

Friends suck up all your money.

People are always asking you for drinks and meals and shopping and presents blah blah blah. I'd like to spend money on myself for once. Can't I get myself an elaborate meal instead of paying you to hang out with me? Nuh uh.

Friends eat your food.

If they're at your house. They're eating your food. That frozen pizza doesn't grow on trees you know.

Friends drink your alcohol.

The phrase "let's take shots" is the singular worst phrase in the English language. GET YOUR OWN.

Friends take your clothes.

You know, that sweater that you lent me one time...yeah...it's mine forever. It's called Forever 21 not Forever 41, so give it back before I get old!

Friends make fun of you.

Why isn't anyone nice anymore? Isn't a friend supposed to be supportive and kind, what is all of this, "fuck you" stuff? I'm nice!

They're always trying to set you up with some gross man or woman that you have nothing in common with.

I thought we were friends, not enemies.

Going out with them is annoying.

They're always trying to get you to do stuff. I just want to sit in my house. Alone. And contemplate life's meaning, is that too much to ask?

Sometimes you act like you like your friends, but you really hate them.

Whatever, having two faces is better than none. Amirite?

Friends are just gross.

People are gross, friends are people. See what I'm saying?

This is why you should follow in the immortal words of Drake himself, and just go with "no new friends". If you don't have any, you don't have to worry about anything.

Deuces.
Peace out.
See ya later.
Byeeee
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COUGHCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH ahem, sorry my friends are over there, *points to the laughing group of weirdos*
I used to be like this until I got a bit older. Now staying at home for too long makes me really restless. I don't know HOW this happens, but if I'm home for longer than 2 hours, I get SUPER intense cabin fever.