2 years ago
Anonym
in English · 20,531 Views
likes 48clips 8comments 32
I Was Right: Your Cat Is Trying To Kill You
So, if you've been on Vingle for a while, you're well aware of my cat Miss.Tuffsey. She is extremely voltile, dangerous and down right scary. Her existence frustrates and confuses me to no end. Cats are creatures that thrive off of your affection, and yet they tell you to go F yourself at every turn.
Miss.Tuffsey is the perfect example of a demonic being, sent from hell to torment me.
I was perusing this great wealth of information we know as "the internet" today and I discovered that my hunch, that Miss.Tuffsey, was in fact plotting my demise since I adopted her, was correct.
Your cat is trying to kill you, and I will prove it.

Brave researchers from the University of Edinburgh in Scotland partnered with the Bronx zoo and took on the notion that cats are evil, and confirmed all of our worst fears.

You see, researchers compared the personalities of common, domestic house cats like Miss.Tuffsey, to those of bigger, badder descent. Lions, and Tigers and Bobcats...oh my!
The conclusions were that although, house cats are small, they possess three of the main personality traits of bigger, more terrifying species:

Dominance

Impulsivity

Neuroticism

These traits lead to dangerous personalities equipped with unpredictable actions. So when you have those moments where you and your little kitty are sitting down, having a nice time, and she just screams and pounces on you...she's trying to kill you because she's neurotic and violent, just like a lion or a tiger.
Shame on you Miss.Tuffsey!

So, obviously this means that if your cat were bigger, stronger and had more teeth...it would kill you. Your little cat is actively trying to kill you, it's just too small to complete the job. How terrifying is that?

Yes.
So, when Miss.Tuffsey jumped at the iPhone the other day while my mom was FaceTiming me from the U.S., she was saying, "bitch. I will kill you."

Honestly, how is that any way to repay the hand that feeds?

You guys better watch yourselves, those cuddly little creatures are neurotic as hell.
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My cat likes to beat me up. He's seriously mean.
2 years ago·Reply
10
My cat likes to bite and grab my arm when I'm cuddling him. :/ he's been trying to kill me all this time.
2 years ago·Reply
10
@FueledbyKass YES. Mine does too. It's so sad. They're so cute though, so we can't like...help it.
2 years ago·Reply
Hahahahaha @quietone I can SO picture you in the center of a mosh pit XD
2 years ago·Reply
@allischaaff I love a good mosh pit
2 years ago·Reply