We as a society have advanced in so many ways in such a short amount of time, really starts to make me feel like an old man, and I JUST hit drinking age. Yet there are still many things we have that just shouldn't be, I mean if these things I'm about to list were buildings, they'd be all dilapidated, abandoned, filled with cobwebs, and little kids would be daring each other to spend the night in them.
Disclaimer: There are going to be exceptions to just about every thing I list off on here. You might really enjoy some of these things, but my opinion doesn't have to necessarily reflect yours. So ha.
1. Alternate Endings
For the most part, alternate endings are basically if you and the creator of the movie/show/game in question were hanging from the monkey bars on the playground, and the creator said "You know what would be really cool? If this happened instead!" Very rarely is the alternate ending anything all that comprehensive, typically a 2 minute buffer thrown on the bonus features of a DVD (another dead object, but we'll ignore that for today), you want to add that to an already complete movie? Fine. But don't you DARE try to advertise an alternate ending like it's going to be groundbreaking when more often than not it's just a predictable tweaked perspective of the original ending. Not to mention the fact that the alternate ending is just that, an alternate. It is not the canonical ending we view in theaters, on television, etcetera, it's an extra feature to add some icing to the cake. Stop kidding yourselves and pretending like we actually care about this. We don't.
2. Pre-Order Bonuses
I can't remember when this started, but I swear to god if I could I would end the life of the person responsible for the idea. I was probably 9 when I saw the first Gamestop commercial: "Pre-order at Gamestop and get the cool-looking gun you'll out grow by the time you reach level 5." I thought it was cool. I was dumb. Don't get me wrong, sometimes (VERY rarely) pre-order bonuses can be really cool. Like Fallout 4's Pipboy for instance, or when the games come with a statue or something (if that's your interest). But the bulk of pre-orders offer you a weapons pack that will outlive its usefulness fairly quickly, a map pack you wouldn't have noticed you didn't have anyway, or (and this is the worst of all) a way to cut corners and cheat in the video game. Pre-order and get an extra 10 attribute points to use on your character. Then you get turf wars, like when Best Buy offers a specific fighting pack for Chuck Green in Dead Rising 2, but Gamestop is offering a different one, not to mention Amazon has one also. What to do, what to do? No worries, it'll all be DLC eventually. Which reminds me...
3. Fucking Downloadable Content
I hate DLC, it's the equivalent of someone using steroids instead of working out naturally. Much like pre-order bonuses, DLC can occasionally be cool (I can't think of an example at the moment, but it's possible). However, DLC has given developers an excuse to half-ass their products before putting them up on the market, straight up cutting content to sell it for extra after the initial purchase. Anyone play Asura's Wrath? For those who haven't, the game actually charges you to play the ending, like can you believe that? I try to maintain an eloquent vocabulary when I write these for you guys, but that's fucking bull shit. Or you'll get games that will let you unlock all of the content of their game for 9.99 USD. Not even Nintendo is safe. 15 dollars for Mewtwo Nintendo? Really? He was in the previous game for God's sake. I'll pay 9.99 to destroy the concept of DLC.
The ones who just read my last list are probably like "What the hell dude? Now communication is bad?" Just give me a second to explain, it'll all make sense, I promise. Everything on this list is something that is fighting tooth and nail to stay alive and relevant that we should really just Spartan kick down the pit of obscurity. Everything except for communication, communication has already been deemed outdated by an antisocial generation and is dead, and this is its eulogy. Once upon a time, people used to speak to each other around a dinner table, or at a restaurant, no I'm serious. People used to naturally communicate at sporting events, concerts, pretty much anywhere they congregated. Now we're all glued to our phones (he types from his phone's touch screen). Hell, with how extreme political correctness has gotten, even if phones didn't dominate our attention we'd all be too afraid to offend anyone to say anything. I'm not saying this is all leading us to a Dystopian Totalitarianism, I'm just saying you should all read 1984 and prepare.